Piece by Piece
by Hair-Noodles
Summary: Izuru suffers from depression and has attempted suicide once already. In an attempt to get him out of his apartment after a break up, his friends take him out drinking. He meets Gin Ichimaru and things begin to unravel all over again. AU ShounenAi,Yaoi
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **Well, here we have what will certainly be another of my angsty little fics. Honestly what have I written here that isn't angst neh? Anyway, first chapter, just finished it like 2 minutes ago XP. I don't really know how long this fic will be, but probably at least 3 chapters...maybe more who knows. It all depends on how much space it takes for me to get it where I want it. So yeah...Not much else to say aside from I hope you like it so far, and reviews make me happy! X3

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_The dark crimson of his blood contrasted sharply with pale skin of his inner arm and wrist. He watched it make small patterns as it ran down his arm to between his fingers, a sort of morbid calm falling over him as it continued to form rapidly cooling puddles on the cold floor. He had the odd thought that the red would definitely stain the grout that separated the tiles of the shower floor. He could feel the warmth of the blood that was steadily creeping up the material of his jeans, making the cloth cling the side of his thigh._

_He heard the faint sound of someone calling his name and knocking on the bathroom door, he made no move to answer; he couldn't even if he had wanted to. There was so much blood pooling over the stark white tiles that it had reached the drain and was flowing freely into the dark opening. _

_The voice at that door grew louder and the door rattled violently, but he didn't care; he could hardly hear it and it didn't matter anyway. He had finally escaped, that was all he cared about. His eyelids had grown too heavy for him to keep open any longer and he let them slip shut just as someone crashed through the door. He caught a glimpse of red hair, and had time to notice how closely it matched the crimson that was all around him. Then his mind and body surrendered to the sweet, empty darkness that he had been looking for._

Izuru absently ran his thumb over the thick scar on his wrist before tugging his shirt sleeve to cover it. It'd been a little over a year since that night. After a couple of blood transfusions, days in the hospital, numerous hours of counseling, and plenty of worried looks and comments from his friends…he still wished that Renji hadn't broken down that door in time. He would never openly admit that to them though.

They still worried, he knew that, but things had calmed down. They no longer looked at him like he was going to throw himself into traffic at any moment. He had to admit he had considered it a few times though. It was actually becoming more tempting lately…well maybe not diving into traffic though…

"Hey! Izuru! You in there!?" Renji yelled after pounding on his front door.

"It's open!" Izuru answered.

He moaned and pulled his pillow over his face as Renji came into his room, flipping the light switch on.

"Come on Izuru, get your ass outta bed. We're all going out to the club." Renji snatched the pillow off his face.

"Why don't I just stay here?" Izuru groaned as the light hit his eyes.

"No, you're gonna come with us. You needta' get outta this apartment, to meet some new people, maybe get laid." Renji smirked as he dragged Izuru off of his bed.

"I don't need to meet people, or get laid!" Izuru argued as he got to his feet.

"Yes you do, all you've done since Shuhei left is hide out in here or sit like a zombie in class. You, are coming with me, and we are going to go meet everyone at the club." Renji began shoving him towards the bathroom. "Now take a shower and get some clean clothes on, you look like crap."

"Gee thanks." Izuru mumbled as he gave in and pulled the bathroom door shut behind him.

* * *

An hour later and Izuru found himself nursing a drink at table with a group of his friends; feigning enjoyment, rather well he thought. It didn't help that, aside from Momo, he was sort of the odd one out. Renji sat beside him with his arm around Rukia, on his other side Yumichika was leaning against Ikkaku, across the table Hanatarou was all but on Byakuya's lap, and Ichigo and Uryu were glaring at each other rather sedately compared to usual (though he'd bet anything that their hands were anything but sedate under the table). Momo was the only other unpaired person in this circle, and that was because Toshirou had work to finish. 

How Renji expected him to meet anyone when they all seemed hell-bent on keeping him in their conversations, he didn't know. He could tell that they were all carefully avoiding the topic of Shuhei, and it was slightly irritating. If anyone else had been dumped they there would've been copious amounts of teasing, but it had been him; they were all still walking on eggshells around him. Izuru leaned forward and rested his chin on his arms; he couldn't really blame them though, he hadn't exactly proved that he could handle life's little hardships all that well.

"Hey guys! Why wasn't I invited to this little party!?" Rangiku's loud voice came from across the table.

"We tried to call you, but you must've been too busy with Sosuke 'cause you wouldn't answer! Or maybe it wasn't Aizen, who's this guy?" Renji asked as they all noticed another person come up with Rangiku. He was nearly as tall as Renji with silvery hair, and he had the biggest smile Izuru had ever seen.

"Oh, this is Gin; he's a friend of Sosuke's and mine from high school. I ran into him earlier today." She pushed Gin in front of her and began pointing at people and giving names.

Apparently he already knew Byakuya and Rukia because he and Byakuya were taking a few classes together at the University. Byakuya didn't seem very enthused to see him though, but that guy didn't seem enthused with anyone other than Hanatarou… Everyone had been introduced by the time Izuru realized that Rangiku had managed to skip over him. Oh well, it wasn't the first time she'd done something like that. He felt a little disappointment drifting in the back of his mind, this Gin was pretty good looking.

* * *

It had been a couple of hours since he'd arrived with Rangiku, and her little mass of friends seemed to have broken up into more personal groups. Now he was left talking to her and, what was her name…Momo, who seemed to have come alone. Gin was only half listening to them talk, most of his attention on a blonde who was nursing his drink alone on the other side of the table. 

He couldn't pull up a name for him, and remembered that Rangiku had skipped him when she was pointing everyone out. He watched him, becoming curious when he saw the blonde begin to fidget with his wrist then tug at his sleeve only to repeat the process minutes later.

"Rangiku, who is that blonde with the lop-hair? I believe you failed to give me a name for him earlier." He asked quietly when he heard a pause in the girls conversation.

"Who? Oh, Izuru Kira…but it'd be better if you didn't talk to him." Rangiku answered, her speech slurred from all she'd had to drink so far.

"Why shouldn't I talk to him? Does he have a jealous lover that I should watch for?" Gin asked, disguising his inquiry with a sarcastic tone.

"No, but he just got dumped and I don't think someone like you would be good for him." she leaned closer, "He doesn't take things very well, you wouldn't be very good for fixing that I don't think." she added in what she seemed to think was a whisper.

So that would explain why she deliberately didn't mention him earlier, she was worried he'd use the guy. Well, he mightn't have bothered Izuru but he couldn't just let the poor thing sit by himself with all these couples around. What were his friends thinking, how inconsiderate of them to leave him alone.

* * *

Izuru sighed and pushed his drink away from him, he couldn't remember how man he'd had and he knew that meant he'd had too much. He rested his forehead on the table, already dreading the hangover he'd have in the morning. Why oh why was he even here, it hadn't taken long for everyone to separate into their own little corners so now he was left to sit here like a fool. 

He jumped as hands ran down his shoulders and wrapped around his wrists. When he tried to sit up his back pressed into another body, he looked to the side to find Gin leaning over his shoulder. He turned his wrist over and slid his sleeves up; too shocked to move, Izuru just stared at the man as he ran his fingers over the scars there.

"E-excuse me, but what are you doing?" He finally choked out and tried to pull his arms out of Gin's grasp.

"Just checking on what you've been playing with all night, and I have to say those are some rather impressive scars. Something tells me they weren't an accident." Gin's purred against Izuru's ear, making him shiver, as he held fast to his wrists

"They were as far from an accident as you can get." He answered, a little surprised that Gin had been watching him enough to see him fidgeting like that.

"Seems to me that you must not have been very happy, to let something like that happen." Izuru stiffened as he felt Gin's lips against his neck. The way he was pinned to the table made it so he couldn't move, so short of shouting at him there was no way to make him stop…not that Izuru really wanted him to.

"Or lonely." He murmured before he could stop himself.

"Oh? Well, then considering how much you've had to drink and how slow this night seems to have been; I think it would be a bad idea for you to go home alone tonight." Gin replied.

Izuru's breath caught in his throat as he felt teeth graze his ear; he just nodded his head in answer to Gin's statement. He felt the grip on his arms loosen as Gin pulled away from him. As soon as he stood up an arm slipped around his waist and turned him around, before he knew it Gin had tipped his chin up and snaked his tongue into his mouth and a hand under his shirt. He moaned a little against Gin's mouth as his tongue made a few short sweeps over his own before Gin pulled away once again. He was grateful that Yumi and Ikkaku had left already and Renji and Rukia had moved elsewhere; so no one had witnessed that little scene.

Izuru found he couldn't think very clearly, and he wasn't sure if it was all the alcohol in his system or Gin. He looked up at Gin, who still wore the big smile he'd had when he first arrived. He noticed that the smile was so big it seemed to keep the man's eyes from being much more than half open. He could just see his eyes through his lashes, they were a strange shade of brown that seemed almost red.

"You might want to let your friend know you're heading home, we wouldn't want him thinking that I kidnapped you." Gin's voice snapped him out of his daze. Izuru nodded before moving to find Renji and Rukia.

They had managed to shift their way around the table until they were sitting with a drunken Rangiku and Momo, and were in a semi-debate with the former. He gave Renji's shoulder a shove to get his attention.

"Hey, I'm heading home alright?" Izuru said after Renji turned to face him.

"Sure, but don't you need a ride?" Renji frowned slightly; but his eyebrow arched and smirk slid across his face when he saw Gin waiting a few feet behind him. "Oh, looks like it was a good thing I dragged you outta bed, neh?"

"Watch yourself with him Izuru, he's not as nice as he acts." Rangiku's slurred voice came from the other side of Renji, where she was half hanging on Momo.

"I'll be fine Rangiku." Izuru flashed them all a small smile before returning to Gin.

* * *

"Looks like he's done pretty well for the night." Renji chuckled after they all watched the pair leave. 

"Do you really think he should be careful with Gin, Rangiku?" Momo asked a little concern on her face.

"His smile gives me the creeps, but he can't be all that bad if you're friends with him right?" Rukia added on.

"I'm friends with Renji here too, but that doesn't mean he's not a bastard sometimes now does it?" Rangiku answered.

"Haha, I love you too." Renji scowled, "I'm sure Izuru'll be alright." He added for Momo's benefit.

* * *

The second Izuru's apartment door shut behind them Gin had him pinned to it, his mouth sealed over his. Izuru hissed and dug his fingers into Gin's shoulders as long fingers slid down the front of his pants and began to tease him, making his hips arch against his hand. He could hardly stand it felt so good, he groaned in protest when he felt the hand withdraw from his pants. Gin laughed quietly in reply. 

Izuru felt his shirt being tugged up his body and released Gin long enough for it to pass over his head and slide from his arms before moving to return the action. Izuru could barely stifle a moan as Gin's hands began to slide up his sides and over his back. They both made their way to Izuru's room.

Somewhere along the way shoes were kicked off, and pants that had recently become unbearably tight were stripped off. By the time Izuru felt the backs of his legs hit the bed they were both completely devoid of clothing. Just as he was about to lean back onto the bed Gin spun him in his arms so his back was pressed against the taller man's chest.

He let himself lean against Gin as hands came around his waist to tease him once again, a hot mouth simultaneously biting at the curve of his shoulder and neck. Gin walked him forward until he fell onto his hands and knees on the bed. Gin kept an arm around his waist, the other hand turned his face back so that Gin could once again invade his mouth.

Izuru was aware of the hand at his waist tightening on his hip before Gin slammed into him without warning. He felt a sharp cry tear from his lips only to be swallowed by the mouth still locked with his. He was given only a moment to adjust before Gin's hips began rocking against him.

A few small whimpers escaped him as Gin released his lips in favor of kissing and biting along the nape of his neck. It didn't take long for the pain to subside with Gin grazing his prostate with every move.

Soon Izuru was crying out with every thrust and rocking his hips back to meet Gin's; Gin's hips moving hard and fast while his hand pumped his erection in time to the motion. He could feel the Gin's breath on the back of his neck in short, hot bursts.

All the pleasure piled on him until he couldn't hold himself up and his arms buckled. Gin's arm tightened around his waist and held him up while the other continued to work at his length.

Izuru came hard in Gin's hand, crying out his name as a shudder ran through his entire body. Gin followed him a few quick thrusts later, collapsing against Izuru with a low moan as he found his release inside of him.

Gin slid from Izuru and collapsed on the bed beside him; slowly licking his hand clean, a gesture that surprised Izuru. He watched through half closed eyes as Gin finished this act before moving to kiss him, wondering at the mix of his own taste with the sweet flavor of Gin's mouth. Gin surprised him when he shifted, making Izuru move with him, so that he could pull the sheets over them both.

Izuru laid so that his head rested against Gin's shoulder. He smiled softly to himself as he began to fall asleep, tonight had definitely been a nice change of pace. The fact that Gin didn't treat him like something he could break with one wrong move only made it better; though he might be regretting that in the morning.

* * *

**A/N: **Well there we have chapter one of my Gin.Izuru fic. If it is not already clear, YES it is AU. AU is easier, and I'm lazy...plus I like AU stories XP. Anyway, yeah I paired Rangiku and Aizen...what can I say, it made me giggle X3. Of course I had to sneak Hana and 'Kuya in, Ikkaku.Yumi and Ichigo.Uryu are som others I enjoy so I figured why not. While I don't really care for Momo, she is one of Izuru's friends in the series so she was kind of necessary. And lastly, Renji is with Rukia A. they are cute together, B. I needed to balance out all those yaoi pairs with another Het couple and C. because Shuhei had to play the part of Izuru's ex. (that is also a cute pair X3) Anywaym there's my rationalization for the pairings so nyah if you don't like it; they aren't the ones that matter anyway. Blah...It's already 2 am and i need to get up at 6:30 X.X Damn I'm rambling...so yeah, hope you are enjoying it thus far...you'll review if your nice XP

(BTW, I know Gin's chunk of the fic was kind of short...but this is kind of more Izuru based... however he may or may not get more thought time. I'll try, since I do like Gin quite a bit X3)


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Well, a little later than I planned but here it is, Chapter 2. This chapter is quite a bitt longer than my usual ones, being about 10 pages when thye are usually 5-6 pages X3. Really, for all that writing, not too much major stuff happens; it seems a bit more like character building than anything.

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Izuru woke with a moan, clutching at his stomach as he reached for the waste basket beside his bed. His stomach lurched as he leaned over the edge of the bed, emptying its contents into the trash can. When his stomach stopped revolting, he fell back against the pillows; wondering why he'd let himself drink so much. His head felt like someone had driven over it with a tank, and his stomach felt like he'd been drinking acid. Not to mention a certain part of his lower anatomy was feeling woefully abused.

That thought made his eyes crack open and he looked to the other side of the bed. He peered through the curtain of his hair to find his bed empty, save for himself, this was a mildly disappointing discovery. But, he supposed it was a good thing that Gin wasn't there to see him purging his guts out over the side of the bed…He slid from the bed and stumbled to the bathroom where he turned the shower on.

When steam began rising from the top of the shower he stepped in, and let the water pour over his head. The water dulled his headache and rinsed away the sharp smell of alcohol and sex that seemed to be clinging to his body. By the time he stepped out and wrapped a towel around his waist his stomach had settled somewhat, only occasionally sending little waves of discomfort over him.

He wiped a clear streak in the fogged up glass of the mirror and examined the damage left from the previous night. He had a dark red hickey at the curve of the left side of his neck where it met his shoulder, and another along his right collarbone that he didn't even remember receiving. There were purple bruises low on his left hip, vaguely resembling fingertips, and a few scratches along his waist. And it looked like he had a tear in his lip where it had been bitten a little too harshly. It would seem the silver-haired man had a penchant for marking his lovers. All in all, Gin had really done a number on him.

Izuru smiled inwardly, last night had been a bit rougher than he was used to; but it was kind of a nice feeling to not be babied like he had been up until recently. He'd met Shuhei about a two months after his failed suicide, and at first things had gone well considering Izuru's circumstance. Shuhei had treated him like a normal person, maybe babied him a bit, but only on the days where he seemed worse than usual. Then, a few months ago, Shuhei had realized the Izuru had lapsed back into occasionally taking a razor to himself. He started being more and more weary around him, and it started to seem like he was afraid to say or do anything that would even marginally upset him..

Izuru didn't like being treated like he was a mess that would collapse at the drop of a pin. He tried to talk to Shuhei, and the man had gone off on him; claiming that it was too difficult to make sure Izuru didn't get upset. They ended up getting into a fight that resulted in Shuhei throwing his things into a bag and walking out, saying he had given up on Izuru before slamming the door behind him.

Ironically enough, that had been the one thing that had nearly driven Izuru into trying to retrace the jagged scars that ran from the base of his wrists to halfway up his forearms. But Renji, who lived at the other end of the hall in their apartment complex, had heard the noise and made the decision to check on him. Renji had sat with him half the night, holding him when he cried and listening with uncharacteristic silence when he spoke of all the things that Shuhei had said and done.

Izuru wasn't sure then, or now for that matter, if it had hurt so much because he was falling for Shuhei, or if it was the thought of someone giving up on him again. Renji was the only one he trusted not to leave him anymore, Renji was the one who stuck around through the worst of those first few months. Even Momo had shied away from him for a time. He couldn't hold it against his friends, he knew it was hard to deal with and comprehend why someone would try to end their own life. He knew they wouldn't understand why even now he thought of how nice it would be if he did.

* * *

Gin lazed about in a tangle of sheets on his bed, letting his thoughts wander over his eventful evening. Izuru was certainly an interesting little thing, for someone who seemed so quiet he had proven to be particularly vocal last night. And those scars, they piqued a certain curiosity in Gin.

They looked like they had been deep when they were fresh, like maybe the blonde had meant business when he'd made them. However, Gin had also noticed all the smaller surface cuts littering Izuru's inner arms; which made him believe he was just another attention seeker. One of those quiet ones that didn't know how to talk to people. No doubt he had made one of those sad phone calls to a friend, leaving a cryptic message that all but guaranteed a rescue. Nevertheless, he found himself wondering what had triggered the urge to dance with death.

He decided that it had been a nice surprise to bump into Rangiku yesterday afternoon, it had provided him with all the workings of a new plaything. He decided it might be nice to start joining Rangiku and her other friends more often, then he'd have the opportunity to try and seduce Izuru into another sexual affair and maybe play with that silly little lop-haired head of his.

* * *

Izuru sat in class staring blankly at the front of the room, eyes absently tracking the professors movements. Luckily his classes were in the afternoon today, so he had had a chance sleep a bit longer and try to get past the last of his hangover. The nausea had finally given up on him and his headache had too; but now the headache was returning with a vengeance...

"Heellloooo, Izuruuu, anyone home in there?" Izuru opened his eyes to find Renji crouching in front of him and holding up his sheaf of hair to better see his face.

"What do you want Renji?" Izuru grumbled.

"Don't sound so pissy, I could've just let you're ass sleep here the rest of the day but I was nice enough to wake you up." Renji smirked.

"What are you talking about..?" Izuru stared lazily at Renji for a moment "Shit!" he bolted up in his seat.

"Yeah, you fell asleep in class; you're just lucky teach can't tell if you're awake from the front of the room since your damn hair is always in your face." Renji laughed. "So what'd fox-face do to you Izu? You never sleep in class." he asked as Izuru rose from his seat and they made their way out of the classroom.

"He didn't do anything to me, I just had too much to drink last night." Izuru answered, his cheeks flushing a little.

"Uh-huh, I'm sure he just gave you a ride home and went on his merry way. Never mind that it probably would've been even easier to get in your pants if you were drinkin' that much." Renji's smirk grew.

"Alright, so he stayed the night; wasn't that your plan when you forced me out of bed yesterday?" Izuru asked.

Renji just smiled, "So did you get his number, address?" The red-head questioned.

"Well…No, I fell asleep and he was already gone when I woke up this morning." Izuru answered after a pause.

"Damn Izu, I dragged your ass outta bed so you could meet someone new and what do you do? You drink yourself into a daze, let some guy take you home and nail ya to your mattress 'til your too tired to make it through class, and you don't even have a number to show for it." Renji shook his head in exasperation. "What am I gonna do with you?"

"You make it all sound so much worse than it was." Izuru mumbled. "It's not like _you_ haven't had plenty of one night stands." he added in his own defense. Though Renji had a point, he would've been happier if he'd gotten a number or something from Gin.

"Yeah, well me having a one night stand and you having one are two completely different things." Renji commented.

"How could it possibly be any different?" Izuru asked, a little exasperated.

"Maybe because the last time you had one you spent a week tryin' to track the guy down, thus defeating its purpose." Renji chuckled. "Face it Izuru, you know you regret not gettin' his number; sometime in the next few days I'll hear you complain about it." Renji ducked as Izuru's fist flew at his head, laughing all the while.

* * *

"Hey Renji?" Izuru called from his spot on his living room floor.

"What Izuru?" Renji mumbled from the couch where he was sprawled out and half asleep.

"You remember what Rangiku said Gin's last name was?" Izuru asked, trying to sound like he could care less about the answer.

"Hah!" Renji bolted upright, "I told ya you'd bring this up! You're gonna try and find him in the student directory aren't you!?"

"I am not! I was just curious!" Izuru shouted indignantly, cheeks flushing at having been found out.

"Uh-huh, keep tellin' yourself that." Renji laughed as he flopped back onto the couch.

Izuru stared at the ceiling, feeling a bit angry at Renji for rubbing it in his face. A good ten minutes of silence went by before he spoke up again.

"Well…Do you remember it or not?" he asked.

There was low chuckle from the couch.

"Well?" Izuru asked again.

"Sorry Izu, I don't think she ever gave it." Renji sounded honestly apologetic enough that Izuru believed him. Izuru sighed heavily and continued to study the odd patterns in the spackling on the ceiling through his hair.

"Why don't you just ask Rangiku if it's really buggin' you that much?" Renji offered.

"I tried, she said she wasn't going to tell me because she thinks he's bad for me." Izuru replied. "Apparently I'm "too touchy" for someone like Gin." he scoffed.

"She picks the strangest times to become protective doesn't she?" Renji laughed.

"Hmph."

* * *

"Tell me why I needed to be here again." Izuru groaned.

"Because you're my friend, Rukia is my girlfriend and your friend, and Byakuya is her brother and your friend and it's his birthday." Renji answered patiently as he waited for Izuru to get out of the car.

"But you know how Byakuya is, he probably doesn't even _want_ this party." the blond grumbled.

"Yeah, but you know how Rukia gets about things like this; besides, what else were you gonna do tonight?" Renji shoved Izuru up the walk to the front door of the Byakuya's big house.

"Sleep, finish up that Lit. homework…" Izuru answered, knowing full well that those were horrible excuses.

"That sounds sooo much better than spendin' the night with the rest of us." Renji rolled his eyes as they let themselves in.

"Hey Renji! Izuru!" Rukia popped up in front of them when they made it to the living room, stretching up to kiss Renji.

It was Izuru's turn to roll his eyes once Renji lifted her off the ground and the two seemingly forgot about him. He brushed past them and went further into the living room and settled into and empty chair.

"Hello Izuru." Yukichika sang from where he was draped over another armchair.

"Hey." Ikkaku added from the floor in front of the chair.

"Hi Izuru!" Momo smiled from where she was curled against Toshirou, who made eye contact and nodded his head.

"Good evening Izuru." Byakuya exchanged a glance with him. Hanatarou smiled quietly at him and waved. Izuru smiled an acknowledged everyone in turn, then glanced over his shoulder to see Renji and Rukia still stuck together in the entry way.

"Rukia, you should refrain from letting Abarai monopolize your time when you have guests." Byakuya said flatly. This comment was hard to take seriously when he was stretched out on the couch with his head resting in Hanatarou's lap, playing with younger's hands.

"Sorry brother." Rukia slid out of Renji's arms and smiled sheepishly at Byakuya. "They're your guests though, this is your birthday." she added as she led Renji into the room.

"It may be my birthday, but you were the one who insisted on throwing a party with everyone." Byakuya looked up at her.

"Come now Byakuya, you know you like having us here; don't be so rude." Yumichika answered for Rukia.

"Yumi, you know he just wants us all to leave so he can drag Hanatarou off to his room for the rest of the night." Ikkaku received a glare from Byakuya, Hanatarou just blushed fiercely at the comment.

Izuru laughed quietly to himself as everyone got into the playful fight that ensued. This is how things usually were. Someone would make a smart-ass remark and everyone would join into the argument that followed. The fights always stayed at a friendly bickering, only occasionally getting out of hand. In those cases someone might exchange a few harsh words with someone else; leaving the two to storm off with their separate partners. A few days might pass where the rest of the group avoided picking sides, then everything settled and everyone was friends again.

Izuru took some comfort in this cycle of things. It was something he relied on to remain the same, something he felt like he could trust even if he had a harder time trusting all of them individually.

"Sheesh, you guys are already at it?" Rangiku's voice carried in from the front hall, Izuru felt his heart speed up when she came in. Izuru relaxed into his seat when she came in alone, feeling a little silly for having gotten so worked up. Had he really expected Gin to show up with her?

"Hey Rangiku; where's Sosuke, I thought he was coming too." Rukia looked up from her spot on the floor.

"He's coming in a while. He wouldn't leave until he finished that Lit. project, he said he'd get Gin to give him a ride." Rangiku answered as she dropped down to the floor to lean back against the couch. "I hope it's okay that we invited him." she glanced at Byakuya over her shoulder.

"That's fine Rangiku." Rukia answered quickly before Byakuya could speak up.

Izuru didn't miss the smirk Renji threw in his direction. Nor could he deny that he had suddenly become a little more excited about being there. He didn't even know why he wanted to see Gin again. It wasn't like he knew anything about the man, aside from him being friends with Rangiku and Sosuke. There was just something about him that made Izuru want to be around him.

* * *

Gin followed Sosuke up the walk in front of the house, not surprised that the Kuchiki's would have their precious son this well provided for. Just imagine what could happen if they found that, not only was he allowing Rukia to stay there, but that he had since let his lover move in; not to mention that said lover was a boy. But he wouldn't let that slip, hurting Izuru's friends would only hinder his ability to play with the blond.

He followed Sosuke in the front door, a little surprised to see that this group was tight knit enough that he had just let himself in. They found the living room where he saw a group very similar to the one he'd seen at the club a little over a week ago. The loud-mouth with the bright orange hair and his lover seemed to be missing however, and a white-haired boy he recognized from some of his classes as Toshirou Hitsugaya was tucked into a sofa with Momo.

He saw Izuru sitting in an oversized armchair, legs tucked beneath him and leaning against the side of it with his chin resting on the arm; looking for all the world like a jaded cat. Gin went through the motions of returning greetings to the rest of the group, all the while watching as Izuru watched him. He was happy to see that, by the look in those blue-green eyes, Izuru was excited to see him there; though he made no move to show it otherwise.

When Sosuke slid to the floor beside Rangiku, who pulled him into a quick kiss, Gin moved to sit on the empty arm of Izuru's chair. His movement was natural and casual enough that no one seemed to take note of it; thought Renji and Rangiku exchanged a glance. Izuru of course glanced up at him a little surprised, but excited nonetheless.

Gin lost track of how long he had been sitting there, listening idly to Izuru's friends bicker about random things. At some point Rukia managed to order out for several boxes of pizza, which were now being passed around. He watched Izuru, he had to hand it to him; the boy knew how to work the conversation.

Izuru would sit quietly and watch his friends argue, only throwing in a comment of his own when a discussion began to die down. The comment always had seemingly innocent air about it, but somehow managed to start up a new debate among at least two of the others. Gin realized that Izuru used this to keep his friends talking without ever really needing to become involved in a conversation. Later everyone would remember that he had in fact spoken at some point, and fail to realize that, after the initial statement, he had said nothing else afterward.

He realized that what he had initially thought to be boredom born from years of the same people and arguments, was really contentment just to be there. This interesting little bit of information made Gin even more curious about what went on in Izuru's head. Gin made sure to trail his fingers along Izuru's leg from time to time. Often enough that Izuru would realize it hadn't been an accident, but spaced out enough that no one else took note of it; though Rangiku did shoot him a threatening glare.

* * *

Izuru felt another shiver run through his body as Gin's fingertips grazed his leg again. Gin had touched him several times already, and the thought that he was still interested made Izuru feel a buzz of excitement. At one point, Izuru left for the bathroom and made sure to switch his position in his chair when he came back, so that his shoulder rested against Gin's side.

When it got to be 11:30 Toshirou had apparently decided that he had been sociable long enough and he and Momo left for their own apartment, Momo giving Izuru a questioning glance as they walked out. Not fifteen minutes later Yumi began making odd giggling noises and slapping at Ikkaku before the two finally rose up; Ikkaku rushing Yumi through his goodbyes and dragging him out of the house.

Renji and Rukia had managed to slide across the floor until they too were leaning against the couch with Rangiku and Sosuke. Rukia and Rangiku were engaged in some discussion involving how hard it was to get 'the boys' to go shopping, both chattering away at a speed attainable only by those of a female gender and Yumichika. Renji and Sosuke were holding there own conversation, Byakuya occasionally adding in his two bits, but Izuru couldn't hear them over the girls. Hana had fallen asleep and was now lying quietly against Byakuya's chest.

"So, little Izuru, didja' miss me?" Gin smiled down at Izuru as he slowly combed his fingers through the blond's hair. Izuru jumped a little at the touch, not having noticed that his head was resting against Gin's leg now. He really needed to stop zoning out.

"M-maybe." Izuru answered with a shy smile, hoping he wasn't letting on to just how much he'd wanted to see Gin again.

"Only maybe? That's not very nice, I've bin missin' _you_." Gin knotted his fingers into the hair at the back of Izuru's head and tugged it back so he could lean down and kiss him. Izuru flinched at the pull to his hair but quickly forgot it when he felt Gin's lips on his own. He almost couldn't keep from trying to follow those lips when Gin pulled away.

"Yer friends are gonna see." Gin chided.

Izuru flushed a little and wanted to point out that Gin hadn't seemed to care who saw them that first night, but settled for just nodding his head.

* * *

Gin was pleased to see how easily Izuru was giving in to him, it wouldn't be difficult to get home with him again tonight. He untangled his fingers from Izuru's hair and began to slowly knead the back of his neck,…it couldn't hurt to throw on a little extra encouragement.

"Gin, me and Rangiku are heading home. Thanks for the ride, I'll see you in class." Sosuke's voice broke into his thoughts as the pair were heading out of the room. He lifted his free hand in a short wave as they left, ignoring the death glare Rangiku was shooting him. She really needed to give up on trying to keep him away from his quiet blond. He smiled to himself as he felt Izuru leaning into his side. Even if he did refrain from leading Izuru on, he couldn't say that Izuru wouldn't still follow him.

"Hey Izu." Gin felt Izuru jump a little when Renji called him. "I'm prob'ly gonna stay here with Rukia for the night, so you want me to take you back now? Otherwise Byakuya has an extra room you can use." Renji pulled Rukia up from the floor, the two of them moving aside so Byakuya could carry Hana out of the room.

Izuru glanced up at Gin with a look that made his smile grow a little, if that was even possible. "I uh,-"

"I can take 'im home." Gin cut in, "It's not too far outta my way." he couldn't believe how easy Izuru's friends were making it for him. Izuru just nodded at Renji, signaling that he agreed with the idea.

"If you're sure it's alright, then I guess I'll see ya later Izu." Renji answered.

Gin rose from the arm of the chair and waited for Izuru to follow suit. They were half-way to the door when they heard Renji's voice calling Izuru back for a moment. Gin looked back at Izuru and nodded that he'd wait. Gin knew that Izuru would be getting more warnings about being careful around him as he watched Izuru walk back to the living room.

* * *

"What is it Renji." Izuru asked, a little irritated.

"You need to watch yourself Izuru, there's somethin' about that guy that doesn't sit right." Renji answered him, glancing over Izuru's shoulder to see Gin smiling at them from the front door.

"Renji, he didn't kill me the first night, so I doubt he's going to do anything worse to me tonight." Izuru sighed at his friends concern.

"Yeah, well, just because he didn't kill you doesn't mean you wont end up getting hurt…prob'ly in more ways than one." Renji added as that strange smile crossed his mind again.

"I can take care of myself Ren, you don't need to worry about me all the time alright? Just let it go, I'm capable of handling my own life." Izuru said, a little snappier than he had meant to.

"Fine Izu, I know, just be careful with him is all I'm askin'. I'll see you tomorrow okay? Preferably in one piece." Renji smirked at Izuru . Izuru just smiled before he turned and left with Gin.

* * *

"Hah, nnngh, Gin!" Izuru cried out, his hands trying to tangle themselves in the silvery hair that was tickling his neck with every move; but failing as Gin's hand tightened around his wrists above his head. Gin's teeth were nipping at the soft skin beneath his jaw while his free hand ran along his side, fingertips digging into his hip to keep him from arching up into the bigger man's thrusts.

It wasn't long before he felt a wet heat spreading over his stomach and something hot fill his insides; he let out a long keening moan, waves of ecstasy rolling over him. He whimpered a little at the feeling of emptiness when Gin slid from him and released his wrists to lay beside him; his face still in Izuru's neck, biting softly. He shuddered a little as Gin slid down his body and began to lick his stomach clean, sending a shiver through his body.

Gin nuzzled his stomach lightly after he'd finished and let his head rest there, an arm snaking possessively around Izuru's waist. Izuru let his hands stray down to run through Gin's hair, smiling to himself. So what if things had been a bit rough again, his wrists were still aching, Gin made him feel good. He hoped the man would stay through the night this time; he still wasn't sure why, but he liked feeling Gin near him. Even now, as the man's breathing was evening out and he was falling asleep with his head cradled on Izuru's stomach, Izuru felt happy. Izuru fell asleep with a soft smile on his face, his fingers still laced through Gin's hair.

* * *

Izuru woke up slowly, not really wanting to be awake yet; but his eyes snapped open when he remembered the night before. He sat up and glanced at the other side of the bed, he was gone again. Izuru flopped back down against the pillows, he had been thinking it might be different this time.

He looked over at the digital clock on his desk intending to see how long he had before his classes. Propped up in front of the face, however, was a strip of paper. He stretched out his arm out and just managed to catch the paper with his fingertips. When he held up to read it, he felt his heart speed up in his chest. There, on that plain strip of paper, was a number scratched out in pencil. A phone number.

* * *

**A/N:** Woo! Yay for Izuru getting a phone number this time around X3 Aside from that bit of progress, not much else that was important happened here. A bit of back story on Shuhei's leaving maybe, and alitte more on Gin's thoughts. Izuru is confused, he doesn't like people paying attention to him, especially after his 'incident', but he likes being around his friends. Gin seems to be becoming the exception to this rule though. So there we have ch.2 it'll prolly be a couple-few days before three is up since I don't think I'll luck out and get another snowday on monday, so there'll be school to contend with...then again Ive always been good about procrastinating on HW till the morning its due so who can say.

Hope you enjoyed this chapter, and remember, reviews make me happy inside!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Meh, sorry this took longer than it should have, but I had a mini lack of motivation going, and plus my cous spent the night friday so i didnt write at all then. Anyway, new chapter, still not too much angst. Maybe a bit but nothing compared to my norm lol. Hope you enjoy it!

* * *

Izuru pushed through the rest of the day in a daze. He had a sort of giddy buzz going that wouldn't let much else into his head, though somewhere in the back of his mind he knew he was being ridiculous. A scrap of paper should not have made him as happy as it had. He had stared at that little piece of paper for so long that the phone number was already burned into his memory.

The funny thing was, even though he was glad to have the number, he still didn't understand why he was so excited. Yes, he wanted it to call Gin…but why he wanted to call Gin so badly still eluded him. Izuru was aware enough to register that Renji had fallen into step beside him as he cut across campus, heading in the direction of their apartment complex.

He felt a little bad when they reached the apartments and he realized he hadn't heard a word of what Renji was saying. Though he was pretty sure it wasn't _too_ important… Somehow when they made it to their floor, Renji managed to make it into his apartment with him. So either Renji had decided to follow him on a whim, or somewhere in the monologue he'd missed the red-head had invited himself in, as he was known to do.

Assuming Renji would end up loitering around his apartment for a while, Izuru headed to the couch and immediately dropped down on it. Renji had a tendency of claiming it and Izuru always ended up lying on the floor. He stretched out with a tiny sigh and tried to pick up on what Renji was saying to him.

"So Izuru, since you obviously haven't been listenin' to me, how's your day been?" Renji scowled as he sat on the floor, eyeing the couch enviously.

"I was listening." Izuru glanced down, flinching as Renji's scowl deepened, "Alright maybe not."

"So what happened last night that has your head too busy to listen to me?" Renji arched an eyebrow.

"Nothing more than last time." Izuru, flushed a little. He was never one for sharing much about his personal life.

"Uh-huh, must've been fun, you've got a pretty good sized hickey under your jaw." Renji chuckled as he stretched out on the floor. "So, you have anything else to show for it this time, or did he run away before you woke up again?"

"He 'ran away' before I woke up," Izuru paused as a smile crossed his face, "but, he left his phone number this time."

"Well, that's good, at least now we won't have to worry as much that he's just usin' you for sex." Renji replied.

"Yeah…What do you mean 'we won't have to worry', you thought he was just going to use me for sex?" Izuru questioned indignantly.

"Well…come on Izu, we kinda figured the first time was gonna be a one time thing anyway. It's not like he made any effort to talk to you after. Even now, just because you have his number doesn't mean that he's interested in anything else, it just makes the odds a little better." Renji answered.

"Renji, weren't you the one who wanted me to go out and get involved with someone in the first place. Why are you trying to find something wrong with it now?" Izuru's tone betrayed his irritation, though he was trying to sound calm.

"I'm not tryin' to find somethin' wrong with it Izuru, I'm just sayin' that you've seen him twice and slept with him both times. Other than the fact that he must be pretty good in bed, what do you even know about this guy? Come on, even Rangiku is worried about you bein' around him, and you know it takes a lot to faze her." Renji sighed.

"I'll be fine; if you guys end up being right, and he is only using me, then I won't say you didn't try. Besides, I'm not stupid Ren, I know that might be all he's doing; but that doesn't mean I shouldn't try right?" Izuru dropped a hand of the couch to nudge Renji's shoulder with.

"Yeah yeah, I guess I should just be glad you're talking to new people at all." Renji batted at the hand. "Shit Izuru, did he do this?!" Renji sat up as he grabbed Izuru's arm, gesturing to the bruises that ringed his wrist. "Nevermind, if he's hurting you then I don't care what you think of him; Rangiku was obviously right to be concerned!"

"It's not like that Renji! He just…" Izuru was not quite sure how to explain those bruises, he didn't really want to.

"Dammit, Izuru, I know you're havin' a hard time, but that doesn't mean you need'ta let that fox-faced bastard hurt you! There are plenty of better people you can use to forget Shuhei with!" Renji tightened his grip on Izuru's arm.

"_You're_ hurting me now," Izuru jerked his arm out of Renji's hand, "and I'm not trying to forget Shuhei, and I'm not letting him hurt me! I told you Renji, I don't need you to take care of me all the time; I am capable of taking care of myself and doing things on my own you know!" Izuru pulled himself into the corner of the couch and glared at Renji.

"Oh yeah, I know how good you are at takin' care of yourself, that's why you scared the hell outta me and everyone else by puttin' yourself in a hospital last year! So what, since you tried hurtin' yourself and it didn't work out, you're gonna let someone else do it for you!?" Renji got to his feet and stared at Izuru.

Izuru didn't answer; he just stared back at Renji. He was a little stunned that Renji would say something like that; for all the effort everyone put into tip toeing around that day, the red-head just blew it out of the water. Izuru knew he had set himself up for the comment though, so he wasn't very angry about it. More than anything he was afraid that if he had pushed Renji to say something like that, then maybe he had pushed him too far. Those words were so close to the ones Shuhei had said before he had given up on him.

He felt his eyes start to burn with the threat of tears, but he wouldn't let them fall. That would only make it worse, that would only give Renji more reason to think that he was right. He couldn't let Renji think that, then Renji _would_ leave him too.

Renji must've caught something in the look on his face though, because his gaze softened a little. "Hey, I didn't mean it like that Izu; I'm just worried about ya alright? You can't blame me for worryin' about you, especially not when you've got bruises like that."

"I know Renj. I haven't really given you any reason to, but please Ren, just believe me alright? He's not hurting me, ok? I promise you, I'll be careful; just believe me." Izuru said softly, focusing on keeping his voice level as he looked up at Renji.

"Fine Izu, I'll believe you." Renji sighed as he scooped his bag off the floor. "But if I ever find out that he's doin' anything to you, I'll kick both your asses." Renji allowed a smirk to cross his face, ruffling Izuru's hair before he left the apartment.

Izuru sighed and stretched back out on his stomach, a few tears escaped to run down his face. He rubbed them away with the back of his hand, pausing to look at the splotchy pattern of bruises on his wrist. Two days, he'd seen Gin two days and already all hell was breaking loose; maybe Renji was right, maybe he shouldn't try to pursue anything further with Gin.

He didn't like that idea though. He hadn't felt like that from just being close to someone before. He was going to keep seeing Gin, and if it came clear that Gin really only wanted him for one thing, _then_ he'd stop.

* * *

That night Izuru was curled into the corner of the couch, half watching TV. half dozing, when he heard someone knocking on his door.

"It's open!" he called out, assuming that at this time of night it must be Renji. He heard the door open and shut again.

"Ya know Izuru, it really isn't safe to leave yer door unlocked." Gin's voice sounded right beside his ear, making him jump.

"G-gin! What are you doing here?" Izuru asked, as he twisted around to see Gin leaning over the back of the couch.

"Aww, Izuru, I came to see ya, since ya never called me even after I gave ya my number." Gin flipped Izuru's hair up with his fingertips before moving around to sit with him.

"Oh…I wasn't sure if I should ca-" Izuru felt his face getting hot as Gin pulled him into kiss. He was only wearing a pair of plain pajama pants, so when Gin ran his fingers up his sides it sent a shiver through him.

"Yer shiverin' Izuru, are ya cold?" Gin pulled Izuru across his lap and wrapped his arms around him, nuzzling his neck.

Izuru curled into Gin, moaning quietly as he felt fingers combing through his hair and rubbing his side. He could feel Gin's teeth at his throat and he knew he was leaving another mark; the sensation making his breath catch. He couldn't think to move his own hands, so he just let them tangle in the front of Gin's shirt.

The hand in his hair tightened to pull his face up for another kiss, tongue slipping past his lips. Izuru moaned softly into Gin's mouth; he liked the bittersweet taste of his mouth, it was like dark chocolate.

* * *

Gin smiled to himself as he felt Izuru's moan, the boy made such nice sounds when he touched him. He let his fingers slip from Izuru's hair to squeeze the back of his neck, he'd found that his neck was especially sensitive, and was rewarded with another low moan.

He let his other hand stray down over Izuru's stomach, scraping his fingernails through the light hair that emerged just above the waistband of his pants. He felt a tiny shiver run through Izuru's body at the touch, and his fingers tighten in the front of his shirt. When he felt him shift a little in his arms, he pulled his face back and moved his arms so they circled Izuru in a hug.

He could tell by the way that Izuru hesitated before leaning against him that he was confused by the sudden change. He knew it was making Izuru wonder what he was thinking. He was thinking that he felt good, even if he was only holding Izuru; Izuru curled against him so nicely.

But he couldn't stay and cuddle the little lop-hair, that would ruin his game, he chastised himself for even considering it. So he eased Izuru off his lap, waiting for Izuru to realize what was happening, and to let go of his shirt, before standing.

Izuru smiled up at him, though Gin could tell he was trying to hide his confusion. He found it a little cute, the way Izuru looked right now; tucking his legs back under him as he looked up with that perplexed smile.

"What are you doing?" Izuru asked him.

"I'm sorry Izuru, I can't stay t'night; I was just stoppin' by ta' visit ya." Gin answered him. "I'll come back another time, try and use yer phone this time." He ruffled Izuru's hair in much the same way Renji had that afternoon. Then with a short wave, he headed for the door.

* * *

"So, looks like fox-face came to see ya again last night if that new spot on your neck is any clue." Renji commented from his spot on the couch. "How long did he manage to stick around this time?"

"He only stayed for about twenty minutes last night." Izuru answered from where he'd been dozing on the floor.

"Hah, told you he prob'ly just wants sex." Renji smirked.

"Actually, I didn't sleep with him this time. He said he just wanted to see me, since I didn't call him. I thought he was going to try something but he ended up just sitting with me for a while before he went home." Izuru paused, "It was kind of surprising really, I kind of expected him to do more, but he just _didn't_."

"That is surprising; maybe I was wrong about him." Renji commented, "But maybe I wasn't, I still don't like him." he added.

"That's fine; you don't have to like him." Izuru laughed, "I'm the only one that has to, and the only opinion on him that matters is mine."

"Yeah, you've made that pretty clear." Renji chuckled. "So what's your plan with him?"

"I don't really know, I guess I'll call him in a little while. Other than that I guess we'll just see how things go." Izuru answered after a moment of thought.

* * *

Izuru sat quietly at the table with his friends, fidgeting with his shirt sleeve. He'd managed to call Gin and invite him to come to the club with them, since they went almost every Friday he thought he could start there. Gin said he'd meet them there, but he still hadn't shown up.

He'd sounded happy when he called and he had sounded like he would like to come; but Izuru found himself wondering if he'd really show. He wanted to believe Renji was wrong, but he couldn't help but wonder if he'd really be able to handle it if he was right.

He saw Renji shoot a glare at him, then realized it was going over his shoulder just before arms came around his waist. He jumped a little and his hands went to the arms as he looked up to find Gin.

"You came!" Izuru said, still a little surprised by his abrupt arrival.

"Of course I came, Izuru. You invited me didn'cha, and I said I'd be here." Gin maintained his unnaturally big grin. "Did'ya think I wouldn't show?"

"I-I wasn't sure.." Izuru murmured as Gin moved to sit beside him, his face flushing lightly.

* * *

Gin was a bit surprised to see Izuru had actually been concerned about him showing up. Sure he had wanted to tease him a bit, but he hadn't thought he'd get to wondering this much. He shifted closer to Izuru in his seat so that he could slide an arm around him, he couldn't let his toy get the wrong impression.

"I'm glad you came though." Izuru looked up as he leaned into him a little.

Gin couldn't help himself, Izuru just looked so happy, he leaned down and kissed him. Izuru pulled away after a moment, probably still at odds with what his friends were no doubt thinking. Gin knew full well that Rangiku had already told them of his habit for playing with people. It gave him a sort of perverse pleasure that even with his friends warning him, Izuru continued to try and see him.

He tightened his arm around Izuru's waist as the blond's head came to rest against his shoulder. Renji would cast him a glare from time to time, Gin could read everything in the look. To some degree he found that he was glad Izuru had friends who were this concerned about him; though he still thought if the blond as someone who probably did the things he did for attention.

* * *

Izuru shot Renji a look when he caught him glaring at Gin again. He appreciated that Renji was concerned, but he really needed to stop this. The fact that Gin had shown up to spend time with him was a mark in his favor, and Renji couldn't deny that.

He jumped a little as he felt Gin's hand on his forearm, his other arm moving so that he could tug his shirt sleeve back; pulling Izuru tighter against him in the process.

"I'm sorry about these Izuru." Gin murmured against his ear as his fingertips traced the faint bruises around his wrist. "I shouldn't have bin so rough on ya."

"It's alright" Izuru answered as he watched the fingers move from the bruises to follow the long white scar that ran up his arm. He pulled his arm away then and tugged his sleeve back over it. He knew they would never go away and that he was the one who put them there, but that didn't mean he liked having them messed with.

Somehow, even though he didn't seem to mind them, it felt like Gin thought they were silly. He knew a lot of people thought that, and he understood why; but it kind of stung to think that Gin would see them that way. But aside from telling him how much he had really wanted to die that day, he couldn't really prove that they were serious. And he wasn't very keen on the idea of sharing that, it might make Gin start acting like Shuhei had.

* * *

That night Izuru found himself once again pinned beneath Gin. His room filled with the sounds of long moans and cries. Gin was still on the rough side, but he didn't use quite the same bruising force as before.

His back arched up against Gin, as one last moan escaped him. Gin stretched out beside him, wrapping an arm around Izuru and pulling him close. Izuru tucked his head beneath Gin's chin as he waited for his breath to steady. He felt himself starting to doze as he wondered if Gin would stay this time.

He was surprised when after a few minutes he felt Gin sliding out of the bed. He wasn't so surprised that he was going to leave after all, just that he was leaving so quick this time. He watched as Gin slowly pulled his clothes back on, not sure if he should say anything to him.

"Sorry, I hav'ta go Izuru, I can't stay the night." Gin said when Izuru sat up a little in bed. Izuru just nodded as he watched Gin dress. "I'll come and see ya tomorrow though." He added before leaning down to kiss Izuru, then he turned and left; Izuru heard his front door shut a moment later.

He didn't know what the reason was for Gin's leaving, he hadn't thought to ask, but he didn't mind too much. He hoped Gin would be able to stay with him through the night at least sometimes in the future, but until then he at least knew he'd see him the next day.

* * *

**A/N:** So there we have ch.3 As I said, a little angst-like bits and a pieces from Izuru, but not much. But do not fear, I think that will prob'ly change next chapter lol. Ill try to get that one up quicker.

Hmmm, not much in this chapter that I think needs my author's commentary. So I'll leave it to you to ask for any clarification. XP

Love those reviews guys hint hint wink wink


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **Grawr, Chapter 4! I kinda had to run through my flimsy plotline for a bit to make sure I got anything into this that I needed to set up for future chaps. Anyway, this chapter should have a bit more of my signature angst, so woo hoo for those of you who enjoy it as much as me. Hope you all enjoy it!

* * *

Izuru wandered around his apartment aimlessly all afternoon. He couldn't find anything to do with himself and he didn't want to go out for fear of missing Gin. It was possible that Gin might not come at all, but he didn't care. It wasn't like there was anything he really needed, or wanted, to do outside of his apartment anyway.

He had never been very social, well he liked being around people, he just never made much of an effort to meet them. The most effort he'd made to make friends was when he'd met Renji in high school, and that was only to clear up what had started as a misunderstanding.

Maybe that's why Renji was his closest friend; and through him he had met the others who more or less took him in because he was a friend of a friend. He loved them all though, even if they weren't very close; they cared about what happened to him and he to them.

But as much as he cared about them and was glad he had them…They really needed to stop worrying so much about him. Earlier he'd gotten a call from Momo, she had to add on her concerns about Gin. She had started the conversation normally enough but I didn't take more than a few minutes for her to ask about him.

It took him the better part of an hour to assure her that he was alright and that he wasn't 'being abused'. Even after all that he knew that she wasn't satisfied, and he knew Rangiku and Renji probably wouldn't help his case any.

Izuru sighed as he padded into his kitchen, would they ever give up? Hopefully they would let it go once Gin had been around long enough for them to know he wasn't leaving. He let those thoughts get pushed to the back of his mind as he began to slowly check his cupboards for something to snack on.

He stretched up on his tiptoes, thighs bracing him against the countertop, to check a top shelf; why did he put stuff up there anyway, he could barely reach it. He gasped as someone grabbed him from behind and kissed the back of his neck. His feet left the ground for a split second, just enough time for him to lose his balance and fall forward.

Izuru yelped as he was tugged back in time to keep him from smacking his face against the shelf. The sudden move was enough that he fell back against the person behind him and they both crashed to the floor. He glanced back as he heard the other start to laugh.

"Gin!? You scared me, what are you doing!?" Izuru stared at Gin.

"I told ya to lock yer doors Izuru, yer lucky I'm the one who decided to sneak up on ya." Gin wrapped his arms around Izuru's shoulders and hugged him, resting his chin on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean'ta scare ya so bad." Izuru heard another odd laugh.

"I'm alright, but why didn't you just knock…or say something at least?" Izuru sighed as he relaxed into Gin's arms.

"I told ya you shouldn't leave yer doors unlocked, and when I saw ya in here I couldn't pass up the chance to prove why." Gin nuzzled the side of his neck as he spoke. "What if someone else had got ya?"

"No one else would just walk into my apartment like that, especially not in broad daylight." Izuru pointed out, "Besides, why should I be worried if someone comes in and starts cuddling me on my kitchen floor?" He smiled.

"Maybe thas' not all they'd do to ya; not everyone has my self control." Gin purred against his ear before biting his neck and letting his arms fall around Izuru's waist.

"Mmmnn… What could they do then?" Izuru tipped his head to the side to allow Gin more access to his neck. He jumped when Gin moved away from behind him and stood up, pulling him up from the floor and against him.

"Plenty of things Izuru." Gin's smile widened as he lifted Izuru off the ground. Izuru's arms shot out to wrap around Gin, he was surprised that he could pick him up so easily. Gin carried him through the apartment to Izuru's room.

"I missed ya last night Izuru." Gin said as he dropped him onto the bed. Izuru pushed himself back across the bed before Gin climbed on and pushed him down into the pillows. "I wish I coulda' stayed with ya."

"Me too…" Izuru murmured as Gin settled over him and nuzzled his neck. He wasn't expecting Gin to just lay there with him, an arm tightened around his waist and his face nuzzling his neck and hair. After the look he'd gotten in the kitchen he'd expected a little more. He couldn't complain though, he was happy to lie there with Gin holding him.

* * *

He stayed with Izuru for a few hours, both of them dozing in his bed. Gin came by because he had told Izuru he would, and for something else he wasn't sure of. He hadn't been lying when he told Izuru he'd missed him, but he hadn't been entirely honest either.

He had thought about Izuru for most of the night and that day, unable to get him out of his head. He couldn't quite grasp the reason for it; he liked Izuru just fine, but he was only using him to mix things up right? He just wanted something to do with himself, and to sate his curiosity about those scars.

He was about to slip from the bed and head home when Izuru groaned a little and pressed against him in his sleep, his fingers hooking themselves into his shirt. Gin glanced down at Izuru's face; his brows were drawn together and his mouth turned down in a frown. Gin hugged him tighter without thinking and ran his hand up and down his back. Eventually Izuru's face smoothed and his grip loosened.

Gin watched him sleep for a few more minutes, wondering if that had just been a well-timed nightmare or if Izuru had felt him leaving. He told himself that it didn't matter either way, he was still going to leave; even if that meant leaving Izuru in the midst of a bad dream.

He carefully climbed from the bed, pausing to make sure Izuru was still sleeping. As he left he found himself wondering yet again why he had come here just to lie with Izuru for a few hours. Oh well, he supposed it would serve to confuse the blond a bit and so it was fine.

* * *

"What're you doin' in bed Izuru?" Izuru woke to the sound of Renji's low voice.

"What're you doin' in my room?" he groaned in answer without opening his eyes.

"Hey, I knocked and shouted like usual, but you wouldn't answer so I let myself in. So tell me what you're doin' in bed already?" Renji answered him, he could tell by the tone of his voice that he probably had one eyebrow raised in an arch.

"Hmmmmph" He groaned again, then his eyes snapped open, "Where's Gin?" he asked as he sat up and glanced around.

"Gin was here?" Izuru jumped when Momo popped up from somewhere behind Renji.

"Geez Momo, where'd you come from!?" Izuru stared at her, "and…yeah, he was here when I fell asleep."

"Well, he's not here now." Renji said.

"What were you guys doing?" Momo asked curiously as she played with a corner of the bed spread.

"Sheesh Momo, what do ya think they were doin' if Izuru's asleep in here?" Renji shot her an unbelieving look.

"I don't- Oh! I'm sorry!" Momo blushed bright red.

"NO, we weren't doing anything," Izuru glared at Renji "He just stayed here with me for a few hours." He blushed a little as well, it seemed silly even to him that Gin would come just to lie there.

"Really?" Momo smiled, "He doesn't seem that bad Renji, if he would come to just be with Izuru like that. Why do you think he's so bad?" she watched Renji expectantly.

"Because no one does that, he's just a-"

"So, Renji, why are you guys here anyway?" Izuru cut him off, he wasn't going to let him start that fight over again…especially not with Momo there.

"We were just gonna see if you wanted to come out with us and some of the others." Renji turned away from Momo to face him.

"Yeah Izuru, maybe you could call Gin and bring him too!" Momo said with a grin. She seemed to shrink a little when Renji shot her another look.

"No, I don't really feel like going out, and I think he's busy anyway or else he wouldn't have left." Izuru smiled at Momo, "Thanks anyway guys."

"Fine Izuru, live in your bed then," Renji rolled his eyes, "Come on Momo, lets get goin'."

"Bye Izuru!" Momo called as the two of them left.

Izuru raised his hand and waved to her before stretching back out in his bed. So Gin had disappeared again, and this time had been earlier in the day. He found that it hurt a little, that Gin would just leave like that, but he couldn't really do anything about it. Besides, he'd probably had something to do; why else would he leave?

* * *

Nearly a month went by, and Gin would come by almost everyday to see him. Izuru looked forward to seeing him, and even Renji had eased up on his warnings. Some days Gin would spend his entire visit curled up with him on the couch half watching tv. Other days they'd spend anywhere from an hour or two to half the day in his bed. Still other days they might do both.

Izuru found himself growing more attached to this odd man more and more each day. He rarely went more than twenty minutes without him sneaking into his mind, even if he was in the middle of class.

He felt happier than he had in a very long time, that in itself surprised him. He had been with Shuhei for the better part of a year, and he realized that in all that time he hadn't felt this attached to him as he felt to Gin in only a month. Now he knew that he really had been so upset by Shuhei's leaving for just that reason: he had left, given up on him.

He realized, that in barely a months time, he might very well of fallen for someone he still knew very little about. He had given Gin a key to his apartment only a week ago, when it had taken him a few months before he had given one to Shuhei. Gin had laughed at him when he'd given him the key, asking why he would need one if Izuru all but refused to lock his front door anyway. He hadn't known what to say to that; his face flushed as he remembered what Gin had done to him after tucking the key into his pocket.

Izuru stretched out on the length of his couch with a sigh. As much as he wanted to think things were going so well, he couldn't help but wonder how long Gin would really hang around. Every time he came over, he always left again fairly quick; he had yet to stay the night. Izuru never pushed it, he usually gave some kind of reason for his leaving.

But every time he watched Gin leave, or the few times he'd stay only for Izuru to wake up alone, he got this feeling like he wouldn't come back again. He couldn't really explain it, it just felt like he'd decide not to come back one day. Just like Shu had decided to give up and not come back. Izuru lost his train of thought when he heard his front door open and click shut, realizing Gin had shown up.

* * *

"Hey Izuru, aw why do ya look so sad Zuru?" he glanced up when Gin came into the living room. "Did somethin' happen?"

"No… I'm just…thinking too much." Izuru sighed a little as Gin crawled onto him and reached out to flip the sheaf of hair out of his face.

"What about?" Gin nuzzled his neck before looking up at him.

"It's nothing…" Izuru tried to smile at Gin, but only managed to twitch up the corners of his mouth for a few seconds.

"Well, maybe I should help ya clear yer head." Gin leaned in and covered Izuru's broken smile in a kiss. He pulled away and shifted so that he could pull Izuru forward and onto his lap.

Izuru slid his arms around Gin's neck and kissed him back. He wasn't against letting Gin clear his head for him. When he felt Gin shifting beneath him, he tightened his arms and hooked his legs around his waist. Gin lifted him and moved them into Izuru's room where he let them both fall onto the bed.

Izuru tried to force the thought that Gin wouldn't stay with him after this out of his mind as he helped him work their clothes off. He tried to let the taste of Gin's mouth and the feel of nails scraping his skin as his legs were pulled around Gin's waist overwhelm any doubt he had.

Gin wouldn't abandon him, he couldn't; he cried out as Gin crushed into him. His fingernails bit into Gin's shoulders and he pressed his face against his neck. No he wouldn't, he was rough but it always made him feel like Gin needed him somehow; so he couldn't leave him. His back arched and Gin caught the moan that escaped him in a deep kiss.

He focused all his attention on the feeling of Gin inside him, on the rhythm there bodies were set in and the hands running over his body. Before long his mind emptied completely as he lost himself in that final burst of pleasure. He felt a rush of heat and Gin moaned and collapsed against him, kissing his face and neck.

Izuru let one of his hands slide up Gin's back to thread through his damp hair; he only relinquished his hold on the other when Gin moved so they lay on their sides.

* * *

Gin pulled Izuru against him, tucking his head beneath his chin and wrapping his arms around his shoulders. He smiled to himself as he felt Izuru curl against him, his smile dimmed slightly as he felt a stinging and something warm dripping down his back. Izuru had scratched him before, but this was the first time it had made him bleed.

"Izuru, is there somethin' wrong?" he asked quietly.

"N-no…" Izuru's voice wavered when he answered and he shifted so he faced away from Gin.

Gin watched him as closely as he could in the dark of the room. He could see that Izuru was fidgeting with his scars again, absently running his fingers along the ridges of skin. He'd come to realize that it was something of a nervous habit with the blond; he also knew that he hadn't done it in quite a while.

"Don't lie to me Izuru, I don't like it." Gin murmured close to Izuru's ear. "Tell me why yer so worked up. Did I do somethin' wrong?" Gin couldn't help but think this had something to do with him, since he hadn't heard anything about Izuru having a falling out with his friends.

"N-not really…I just…" Gin hugged Izuru a bit tighter to try and urge him on, "I feel like your going to leave, like you'll abandon me too." Izuru finally whispered.

"What do you mean, like I'll abandon you _too_?" Gin felt a fresh spark of curiosity at the statement, and a little spark of something else he couldn't identify.

"I mean it wouldn't be the first time." Izuru said after a pause.

"You mean Shuhei?" Izuru had told him a little about the other man, and he had managed to get fairly good idea about that situation from Rangiku.

"Him…and just about everyone else before Renji and his friends took me in…" Gin felt Izuru press back into him.

"What happened Zuru?" Gin was surprised at the concerned note that mixed with the curiosity in his own voice.

"My parents died when I was still just a kid, so I got put into foster care. I got passed around through 6 different families and spent the time between them in orphanages." Izuru paused, "None of them could handle a kid that kept so quiet, I think it scared them; they were worried I'd never let go of my parents and start acting like a 'normal' orphan -start acting like I was ecstatic for their attention. They never understood that I was happy to have been taken in, that I just couldn't figure out how to say it."

Gin could see how a family might get the wrong idea from Izuru's behavior, especially if he was only a kid. He tried to imagine his quiet blond dealing with being passed from family to family; it really was no surprise that he worried about him leaving him.

"When I turned 18, I was on my own; except for Renji. He helped me get on my feet and he stayed around to keep an eye on me while we worked on getting into college. After that things weren't so bad, I had Renji and the others; they were like my family." Izuru murmured as he continued to run his fingers over his scars.

"What happened then?" Gin wrapped his hand around one of Izuru's wrists, "Why'd you do this; for attention?" he asked, he hadn't meant to be quite so blunt; but he knew this was the chance to figure it all out.

"Is that what you think?" Izuru rolled over and stared at him, "I did it because even with my 'family' I felt empty, I always remembered how it felt to be dropped back at the orphanage, I remembered the one family that decided to just leave me on the side of the road. I just decided that I never wanted to face that again, that I didn't want to feel that when Renji and the others finally drifted away from me too." Izuru paused to catch his breath after having blurted out everything.

"I got so close too, but Renji picked that night for one of his random visits. He managed to get to me at the last moment. Sometimes I still hate him for it, I never asked to be saved…I didn't even leave them a note." Izuru's voice softened as he finished.

Gin felt the last traces of his smile disappear as he stared at Izuru. He had never really believed that Izuru would've been keeping something like that to himself. He knew Izuru obviously wasn't completely happy, but the look in his eyes as he explained everything had been horrible. He believed that Izuru honestly regretted having been saved.

He grabbed Izuru and pulled him against him in a rough hug; he couldn't understand why he should be so bothered by that notion. Izuru was tense in his arms for a moment before he relaxed and pressed against him, pressing his face into his neck.

Gin held Izuru until he fell asleep, he only moved to pull the covers over them. He understood now why Rangiku had made such a big fuss over this particular game, it wasn't the trivial situation he had first thought it to be. He couldn't bring himself to leave Izuru after hearing all that; for the first time, Gin decided he'd stay with Izuru for the night.

* * *

**A/N: **Oh no, Izuru had such a sad horribly cliche childhood...still sad though. And what's this!? Gin lost his smile!? Anyway, I realize that (at least to me) that this chap seems to go by quick, and I suppose that's due to the fact that its mainly dialogue, especially at the end. But that was more or less the purpose of this chap, to get Izuru's reasons for suicide out and for Gin to have his little realization that Izuru really was serious with those scars.

Anyways...I hope this keeps you guys satisfied until the next chapter gets up, and as always: Reviews are appreciated X3


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** Ack, finally posted this chapter. I meant to get it on over the weekend but I was a bit busy and got sidetracked a few times...And I'm working at the after school program at the elementary, So I haven't spent as much at home time writing that past few days. Anyway, enough excuses, here is ch.5 and I'm pretty sure there aren't any glaring typos and what not...but I'm dead in the head write now and that means Imight've missed some.

So hope you enjoy this ch.!

* * *

Izuru groaned quietly as he woke, pressing his face into his pillow as he shifted his position slightly. He paused when he realized something about his pillow didn't feel quite right; he gasped under his breath when he felt an arm tighten around him. He couldn't believe he was really awake, Gin was still here?

He opened his eyes to the pale skin of Gin's throat, glancing up he saw Gin's face turned into the pillow slightly. He watched Gin sleep for a few minutes, trying to work through that haze of sleep and excitement to figure out why something didn't seem right. After a moment he realized why Gin didn't feel like Gin; he wasn't smiling. In fact he had an almost saddened look on his face; his brow furrowed slightly and his mouth bordering on a frown.

Izuru wondered if maybe he had been having a bad dream…Or maybe it was because of everything he'd told Gin the night before. He carefully brushed his fingers over Gin's face, still in shock from waking with him. Gin made a low groaning noise and shifted in his sleep at the touch; his arms tightened around Izuru so that the blond was crushed to his chest. Izuru slowly withdrew his hand as he looked back into the red-brown eyes that were watching him now.

The look on Gin's face made his heart skip a beat. Gin's eyes were half-closed and foggy with sleep, and the corners of his mouth were turned up in a small smile. Something about that smile seemed real, unlike the broad grin that the silver-haired man usually wore.

"Mornin' Izuru." Gin moved his hand to flip Izuru's bangs out of his eyes as he spoke. "Are ya feelin' better?" his hand slipped back to comb through Izuru's hair

"You-You stayed…" Izuru smiled softly and nuzzled Gin's throat.

Gin didn't say anything in reply, he just held Izuru against him; letting one hand rub his back in nonsensical patterns. Izuru didn't mind his silence, he was content just knowing he had stayed. A small sigh escaped his lips as Gin continued to rub his back; it was too bad he'd have to go to class soon.

Izuru jerked up suddenly and glanced over Gin's shoulder to his desk; his alarm should've gone off twenty minutes ago!

"Oh no, damn alarm!" Izuru was about to crawl over Gin so he could try and get himself together, he could still make it to his classes on time if he hurried. He didn't really want to go, but he wasn't one for shunning his work. He was half over Gin when he felt himself yanked back, and before he knew it Gin had him pinned beneath him.

"Naa, Izuru, yer not goin' anywhere. I turned off yer alarm." Gin lay on top of him so he couldn't get away.

"Wha-Why did you do that? I need to go Gin." Izuru tried to sound like he meant it, but he couldn't deny that the idea of skipping class for the day was very appealing. His flimsy resolve weakened further when Gin ground their hips together; reminding him that they were still lacking clothes.

"I'm stayin' with ya for the day, thas' why." Gin nuzzled Izuru's neck. "Now go back'ta sleep Izuru, s'too early for you ta be movin' around so much." Gin shifted so their legs tangled together and curled his body around Izuru so his head was on his chest.

Izuru stared at the mussed, silver head of hair resting on his chest with wonder. He slowly ran his fingers through the soft hair, still trying to figure out how Gin could switch so quickly from suggestive to cuddly. He felt an arm curl around his waist; he wondered how much of that action was Gin's usual possessive hold and how much was him insuring Izuru didn't slip away.

He'd come to notice that Gin always seemed to keep his arms around him in some way. Sometimes he could barely move from the way Gin would hold him, arms often times pinned at his sides. The 'fox-faced' man had a tendency to lie on Izuru as well, with his face usually nuzzling into his neck or chest; very much like he was now. Izuru didn't mind the contact though; it only added to the feeling that Gin needed him somehow.

* * *

Gin tightened his arm around Izuru as he felt fingers combing through his hair; he could feel the blond relaxing beneath him and knew he wouldn't try to leave, but he held onto him anyway. He couldn't figure out what had made him get up and switch off the alarm when he had woken up earlier. He had just suddenly decided he'd rather spend the day lazing around with Izuru than alone in his own apartment.

He wondered when it was he had become attached to his little lop-hair… Even now he was reluctant to admit it, but a good sized part of his staying the night was because he had stopped enjoying leaving as much; he had actually wanted to stay, Izuru's story had just given him a good excuse to. It had felt nice to wake up feeling Izuru curled up against him.

He had seduced, used, and played with numerous people and never developed any real feelings for any of them; they had all just been games. The only people he had ever had any kind of 'bond' with were Rangiku and Sosuke, and even that was an odd sort of friendship; but something about Izuru had gotten to him.

Maybe it was the unconditional way Izuru seemed to trust him, the way he was willing to cling to him despite all his friends' warnings. Maybe it was because Izuru was the first of his games to ever act like he was someone they _needed_ around. He really couldn't say; he just knew that he had somehow grown some kind of affection for the younger boy.

Gin closed his eyes and listened to Izuru's breathing, it was slow and even since the boy seemed to have fallen asleep. He was tempted to wake Izuru back up for sex, but half the reason he'd shut the alarm off was because he wanted to sleep more. Oh well, he'd sleep now and let Izuru sleep as well; then he'd have the rest of the day to play with him.

* * *

Izuru woke a few hours later feeling cold; upon further investigation he found Gin had shifted to the other side of the bed and was tangled in all the sheets. He smiled softly at the picture of Gin with the blankets twisted around him and hugging the pillow he had his face buried in. He slipped out of bed and found his boxers in the pile of clothes on the floor; he pulled them on and tugged on a sweatshirt that was hanging over the back of his desk chair before heading into the kitchen.

He dug through his cupboards until he found the container of coffee grounds and pulled the coffee machine from its corner. He thought about Gin as he methodically put water and coffee in the machine. He was still a little overwhelmed at having woken up with Gin holding him; it had felt better than he had imagined it would.

He couldn't help but wonder if Gin had only stayed because he'd sent him on a guilt trip though… Would he stay again, or was last night only the result of his crying about his ridiculous past? Well, even if it had been, at least Gin had been compassionate enough to stay when he'd needed it the most.

He pulled a cup out of a cupboard and slowly filled it with coffee, watching steam curl slowly from the cup. He should stop questioning Gin's motives, if he didn't it wouldn't be that hard to find something to pick at about everything he did; then he'd just make himself miserable. Izuru took a small sip of the hot coffee, hoping the bitter taste would kick some sense into his thought processes.

He had just set his cup down when he felt Gin's arms come around him, wrapping them both in a blanket he had dragged with him from the bed; he could feel that Gin had managed to pull his own boxers on as well. Gin nuzzled the side of Izuru's neck as he hugged him back against him.

"Here ya are Izuru, I thought ya might've gone off to class after all." Gin bit the shell of his ear as he spoke

"No, I was just making some coffee to warm up with since you're a blanket hog." Izuru turned in Gin's arms so he could tuck his head beneath his chin and wrap his arm around Gin's waist.

"Awww, ya shoulda told me you were cold Izuru, I woulda helped you get warm." Gin pushed Izuru back against the counter as he spoke.

"Hmmm," Izuru bit the side of Gin's neck, earning a look of surprise from the older man, "You can help me in the shower if you want." Izuru smiled sheepishly up at Gin, a little embarrassed by his own offer.

Gin immediately started ushering Izuru out of the kitchen and towards the bathroom. Izuru hardly knew what was going on before Gin had them both under the hot spray of water; hands gliding over slick skin.

An hour, and uncounted gallons of hot water later, and both were curled together in Izuru's bed; Gin holding Izuru snug against him, nuzzling his face into his damp hair. Both having come to the unspoken agreement that they should shower together more often.­­­­­­­­­

* * *

The two of them spent most of the day under the covers of Izuru's bed. Bouts of sighs and moans interspersed with stretches of quiet murmuring. They only occasionally ventured from the warm safe haven of the blankets for food.

Now they had managed to get some clothes on and were curled up on the couch, half asleep in front of the television. Izuru started when he heard his front door shut with a bang; Gin's arms tightened around him as they both glanced towards the hall..

"Where the hell have you been?!" Renji's voice carried from the front hall. The red-head stopped short when he came into the living room and was met with the sight of them on the couch; his mouth working, at a loss for words. Gin couldn't help but chuckle quietly to himself as he imagined what Renji would've looked like had he come even fifteen minutes sooner.

"H-hey Renj." Izuru smiled awkwardly.

"Oh no, don't 'hey Renj' me," Renji growled, apparently having found his voice, "You're tellin' me that you skipped class 'cause of _him_?!" Renji shot Izuru an unbelieving look before fixing Gin with a glare. Gin turned away from Renji to nuzzle his face back against Izuru's chest; he could tell by the way Izuru tensed and the low growl from behind him that this gesture had angered Renji.

"Ya mind gettin' off him so I can talk to him?" Renji's voice sounded like he was trying to keep from pouncing on Gin.

"Not at all, Renji." Gin slid from Izuru and smiled at Renji as he moved to go settle into a corner of the kitchen. This might be an interesting conversation; hopefully he'd be able to hear it all.

* * *

"Renji, you don't need to be so upset." Izuru said quietly once Gin had left the room, pulling himself into a corner of the couch.

"Why shouldn't I be? It's bad enough that you've kept seein' that asshole, but now you're skippin' class for him?" Renji stared at Izuru, "You know you can't start doin' shit like that; you have nowhere to go if you drop out!"

"I know that Renji, I'm not going to drop out. I missed one day of class, I don't plan on making a habit of it." Izuru scowled at Renji.

"Why'd you do it at all? What could possibly have made it so important for you to stay here with _him _rather than come to class?" Renji held Izuru's gaze as he spoke.

"I don't have to explain that to you, and I wouldn't know how to explain it even if I'd wanted to." Izuru looked away, unable to match Renji's unflinching stare. "It's just another of those things that you really don't need to worry about Renj." Izuru kept his voice soft despite his irritation, hoping Renji would let it go if he didn't come across as being unnerved.

"Fine, don't explain it, but that doesn't change the fact that it is somethin' I need to worry about. I told you that bastard was usin' you, but I backed down when he stuck around for you; but if he starts screwin' up your life then I'll kill'im." Renji paused for a moment, "It was bad enough havin' to pick up the pieces after Shuhei ran away, but at least he was tryin' to _help_ before he left. This guy is gonna leave you in a mess if you aren't careful Izuru." Renji ended his lecture, knowing he'd struck a chord when he'd brought up Shuhei.

"Gin isn't trying to ruin my life Renji; do you really think I'd let him if he was? I'm not going to keep missing class; this was a one time thing alright? And as much as I know you all liked Shuhei, that doesn't change the fact that he hurt me Renji. He might not have done the things you're set on pinning on Gin, but he still hurt me." Izuru raised his eyes back to Renji's. "So I wouldn't use him as an example of something better than Gin when you're judge of character made a mistake on him."

"I never said that he was _perfect_ Izuru, but at least he was _tryin'_ to helpyou. He just wasn't strong enough to handle all your problems." Renji answered.

"Fine, he wasn't strong enough; either way he left and Gin hasn't left yet. I told you already that it doesn't matter that you have a bad feeling about him, and I've promised you that I'm not going to mess up what I have because of him." Izuru tried to smile in another attempt to stop the fight, despite the fact that Renji was being overprotective. "I'm happy you're worried for me Renj, but please just back down on this one alright?"

Renji watched Izuru for a moment, realizing that there was really was nothing he could do to sway Izuru on the subject. The argument sounding the same as they always did at the end; he didn't like that Izuru was with that bastard, but…Izuru seemed happy with him. "Fine," he let a tentative smile spread on his own face "Well, if nothin' else, bein' around that jerk has made you stubborn. Whatever happened to the pushover I've known all these years?"

"I'm not a pushover." Izuru replied with feigned hurt. Both smiled though an awkward silence had fallen. "Really though Renji, I am glad that you care enough to worry like this; but this time I really don't want you to."

"Yeah yeah, whatever you say." Renji sighed in resignation, "I guess fighting with you isn't goin' to make it any better anyway. So I'll let you and fox-face alone for now, but your ass better make it to your classes tomorrow." Renji smirked.

"Thank you Renji." Izuru smiled warmly.

"But I wanna talk to that creep for a minute before I leave. Sit down Izuru," Renji waved his hand at Izuru, "I promise to talk nicely." He left for the kitchen after confirming that Izuru wasn't going to move.

* * *

Gin waited quietly for Renji to come into the kitchen, his usual grin spread over his features. He was pleased that Izuru had stood up for him in that argument; though it amused him to no end that, until recently, Renji had been right.

"Hey Gin, we need to talk a few things over." Renji said calmly as he stepped into the kitchen, his eyes and a certain undertone to his voice betraying how angry he really was.

"Oh? What do we need'ta talk about, Renji?" Gin asked feigning innocence, knowing it would only aggravate the red-head further.

"I just want to make sure you understand that I'll kill you if you hurt him. I'll maim you if you fuck up his life, regardless of how he feels about you. I don't know, maybe you aren't quite the asshole I think you are; but if you keep makin' him skip class or do anything else that will keep him from doin' somethin' with his life, you're dead. Got it?" Renji shot Gin the hardest glare he could summon.

"Why would I wanna 'fuck up' his life? Maybe I want'im to live just as much as you." Gin tipped his head to the side as he held Renji's gaze.

Renji watched Gin for a moment, a scowl set on his face; something in Gin's voice made him want to believe that the 'fox-face' had meant it. He might've believed it, but he was still stuck in his anger and pushed the thought to the back of his mind.

"I doubt that… Just watch yourself." Renji growled before stalking out of the kitchen. He sent Izuru a half smile as he passed through the living room and left.

Gin once again conceded that, despite how annoying it had gotten on occasion, he was glad Izuru's friends were this protective. Then again, for all their protective endeavors against him, he'd still managed to hook Izuru completely. He thought of the desperate and broken voice that he'd evoked from the blond with the subconscious threat of abandonment.

The thought of that voice and the perpetual sadness that hovered behind those blue eyes made something twist inside of him. He couldn't understand it, he'd never been bothered by the feelings of others; he spent most of his time playing with other people's feelings. He knew he was guilty of any and every story Rangiku had shared, and he knew he had never regretted any of it.

"Hey, why didn't you come back in? Renji left already." Gin silently scolded himself, he'd been lost in thought longer than he'd realized; so much so that Izuru had managed to get his arms around his waist before he even realized he was there.

"Sorry Zuru, I lost track'a time." Gin hugged Izuru against him, bending his face down to nuzzle the side of his face and hair.

* * *

Gin slowly made his way down the hall to Izuru's apartment, stopping by for no apparent reason; he had decided on a whim to come visit him. It had been just over a week or so since Renji had threatened him in the kitchen. He seemed to have gone that time without evoking the red-head's wrath, though he knew that the few extra marks he'd left on Izuru's neck hadn't pleased Renji.

Gin reached for the door knob and turned it experimentally, not a bit surprised when the door popped open. When would the blond ever learn that it was dangerous to leave his doors unlocked _all_ the time?

He paused in the living room of the apartment to try and sound out where Izuru was since he wasn't draped across the couch. When a few minutes passed in silence and Izuru still hadn't appeared, Gin began searching the handful of rooms; sighing to himself at the extra effort he was having to put out just to see the other.

He returned to the living room and dropped onto the couch with another heavy sigh. Either Izuru had found a damn good hiding place in the small apartment, or he wasn't home. As amusing as it was to imagine Izuru folded up into some hidden corner of a room, he decided the latter was more likely.

He couldn't remember if Izuru had a class at that time or if he had said anything about going out. Either way, it didn't really matter; Gin was bored and had nothing better to do, so he stretched out on the couch. He would just wait here until his blond got back from wherever he was.

* * *

Izuru let his front door close with a low 'bang' as he came in. Renji had felt the need to do some rearranging in his own apartment and had asked him to come help him reorganize things. There really hadn't been all that much Renji _really _needed help with; he knew it was more of an excuse for him to try and pick up on how things were with Gin. Izuru sighed, Renji was still worrying, but at least he'd once again stopped being so blatant in his accusations.

Izuru stopped short when he stepped into his living room, surprised to find a figure stretched out on his couch. He realized his breath had caught in his throat when he let it all out in a big rush; it was only Gin. He smiled softly to himself as he moved closer to his sleeping lover. Gin was sprawled out on his back, silver hair spread over the arm of the couch, one arm hanging over the side.

He watched Gin sleep for a moment before carefully crawling onto him; slowly lying down half on Gin and half on the inner edge of the couch. He settled so that their legs laced together, wrapping Gin in a hug as he nuzzled his chest. He snuggled against him, enjoying the quiet, lazy-warm feeling that filled him.

He felt Gin shift slightly beneath him and looked up as he felt arms wrap around him; Gin was watching him through sleep-filled eyes, apparently he hadn't moved as carefully as he had hoped.

"Yer home Zuru, I've bin waitin' for ya." Gin held that _real_ smile for a moment as he hugged Izuru. Izuru wondered if that smile seemed real because Gin hadn't had time to form the one that usually masked all of the silver-haired man's feelings. "Where've ya bin?" he asked stifling a lazy yawn.

"I was just helping Renji move some stuff in his apartment." Izuru murmured into Gin's chest. Gin's only answer was a low humming noise before both fell quiet and started to slip into a light sleep.

Izuru was just about to fall completely asleep when they heard a knock at the door. It took a moment for the noise to register in his sleep-fogged mind, when it did finally did he shifted to stand. Gin wouldn't let go though so he stopped to look up at him, the other man was watching him through one half-closed eye.

"You don't need'ta answer that Zuru." Gin mumbled, tightening his hold when another knock sounded.

"It might be important though, and would you prefer yet another person knowing of my unlocked doors?" Izuru raised an eyebrow at Gin as he spoke. Before Gin could answer a voice called out from the front door.

"Hey Izuru, I'm coming in alright? Don't get mad." The low voice sounded so _very familiar_. Izuru sat up on Gin's lap, Gin having released him when he realized that something in the situation had changed.

Izuru rose to his feet staring silently towards the corner of the short front hall; he felt a strange dread as he slowly came to realize the owner of that voice. He saw Gin sit up from the corner of his eye, and jerked a little when he felt his hand gently nudge his own. He couldn't look away from the hall though, he had heard the door close and knew it was only a matter of seconds before he'd know if it would be who he thought it was…who he hoped like hell it wasn't.

"Hey Izur- Oh sorry I didn't realize you had a friend over." The man came to stand a few feet away, nervously scratching at the back of his head as he spoke.

"Sh-Shuhei… W-what..Why, why are you here?" Izuru choked out as he stared at the raven-haired man before him.

* * *

**A/N:** So that was 5. Hope you liked it, gotta love my tacky chapter endings neh? Anyway, you should be somewhat happy, even though I took longer than I meant to, this ch is 10 pages as compared to the normal 5-6 page chapters I usually give you guys XP. so you got an extra long ch. for your wait. Anywa, once again...I'm pretty sure anway... there isn't really much I think I need to clarify here. So if there''s a question on something somewhere in that mess, let me know X3

Reviews are loverly!(Even the negative/critical ones) (Big thanks for all of the reviews I've recieved already!)


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **Here's ch.6 (yay, I can count) I don't think I took as long as last time to post, but I don't know...I've totally been losing track of time lately. Anyway, hope you like it!

* * *

Izuru couldn't believe Shuhei was standing in front of him, right in front of him- here, in his living room… Why, why was he here; what could he possibly want? Why, why now; everything had been alright-he'd been happy- and now…now he was there, just standing there.

"Why…??" Izuru felt the word slip past his lips again.

"Well I- I was kind of hoping we could talk about some things." Shuhei said after a moment. "Maybe we could try to work out what happened; between us ya know?" He gave Izuru a half smile.

Izuru stayed quiet, thoughts racing a mile a minute. What? He wanted to talk about what had happened…what did that mean? Was he here just to apologize and be friends-or did he think there was a chance of them getting back together? He couldn't think that he was going to let him come back- but then, he didn't know about Gin right? He thought Gin was a friend…so it made sense that he thought there was still hope…but why, why now? Why did he come back when he had finally let him go? Why couldn't he have just stayed away?

He jumped slightly when he felt Gin's hand close tightly around his. Still too shocked to speak, he watched Gin stand and move behind him. He barely registered the look that flashed over Shuhei's face as Gin pulled Izuru back against him, arms tightening possessively around his waist.

"Oh- I'm sorry Izuru…I didn't real-"

"I think," Gin cut Shuhei off, "Izuru isn't quite ready fer talkin' about those things." Gin dropped his chin to rest on Izuru's shoulder as he spoke. "But if ya _really_ wanna save yer _friendship, _then maybe he can talk with ya another time."

Izuru flinched slightly at the face Shuhei made; it looked like he might actually be disappointed…But he didn't miss the flash in his eyes, Shuhei was definitely pissed. He couldn't blame him, Gin certainly knew how to push peoples buttons; he just hoped that nothing would come of it.

"Since you are obviously busy right now Izuru," Shuhei turned his gaze from Gin to Izuru, "Do ya think we could find the time to talk later?"

"I'm sure ya have his number, you can jus' call'im later and find a better time'ta talk." Gin answered before Izuru's muddled mind could even finish processing Shu's question. However, even in his impaired state, he could still recognize the challenge that underscored Gin's words.

"Mind tellin' me your name since you seem to have taken over for Izuru's voice?" Shuhei didn't try to hide his irritation, openly glaring at Gin over Izuru's shoulder.

* * *

"Gin Ichimaru, I'm assumin' ya must be Shuhei Hisagi." Gin smiled unflinchingly back at the shorter man. He was slightly amused by the 69 tattooed on Shuhei's cheek, wondering if there was a deeper significance to the number than what it first brought to mind; maybe it helped balance the scars that ran through his opposite eye.

"I hav'ta say, I never woulda guessed Izuru had a thing fer ink and chokers." Gin continued to smile at Shuhei, "Maybe I should getta collar too."

Gin nuzzled Izuru's neck as he spoke, loving the tiny shiver he felt run through the blond while Shuhei only intensified his glare. He knew he was only going to irritate him further if he continued, but since when had he cared about things like that? Besides, he had to make it perfectly clear that Izuru was no longer available.

"Why don't you just let him go so he can talk for himself?" Shuhei growled out.

"I would, but yer surprise visit has'im speechless. Looks like ya scarred him too deep last time ya were here." Gin let his smile twist into a smirk as Shuhei flinched slightly; he wasn't adverse to a few cruel statements if it meant scaring off past lovers. His amusement dimmed when he felt Izuru pulling his hands from around his waist.

"N-no, he's right Gin; I should talk to him." Izuru took a step away from him as he spoke. "But not- not right now." He directed his comment at Shuhei; he walked towards the front hall and gestured for Shuhei to follow him.

Gin watched them leave, a little irritated that Izuru had agreed to talk to the dark-haired man. He had felt the reproach in the way Izuru had pulled his hands away; apparently he disapproved of his choice of verbal taunting. Then again he supposed that his choice might have hurt Izuru as well.

* * *

"Damn Izuru, how'd you meet that asshole?" Shuhei asked when he and Izuru stepped into the hallway outside the apartment. He winced slightly at the look Izuru shot him. "Sorry."

"Same way I met you; I was on a 'recovery outing' with Renj and the others. So what are you doing here Shu? Why'd you come back, why now?" Izuru asked softly.

"I told ya, I wanted to talk things over with you. You know, see if there was anything I could do to fix the mess I made." Shuhei shrugged.

"I-We can talk, if you really want to try and save whatever you think is left between us. I don't think it'll be what you want, but you can try. But not right now...Like Gin said, you can call later and we can try to find another time…" Izuru answered him, hoping that Shuhei would realize that now _really_ wasn't the time.

"I know I kinda sprung this on you…so if you'll really talk to me later, then I guess I can wait." Shuhei sighed and shrugged his shoulders.

"Thanks Shu." Izuru did his best to smile at Shuhei.

"Yeah, well, I'll see ya later then I guess." Shuhei turned and headed down the hall, Izuru watched him until he disappeared around the corner.

Izuru went back into his apartment, letting himself fall back against the door once it had closed behind him. Shuhei-Shuhei was back…He was back, and he wanted to try and fix things. This would definitely lead to trouble. He knew perfectly well how stubborn and persistent Shu could be; he would try his damnedest to get back into Izuru's good graces…and probably his pants too.

Gin obviously wasn't going to make things any easier to deal with either; he'd made that crystal clear rather quickly. Izuru frowned slightly, as much as he wanted Shuhei to just give up any hope of reconciling what they'd had, he didn't like that comment Gin had made about scarring him. Izuru was aware that Shuhei had tried to stay around, and he didn't like that Gin had used that failure against Shu. Never mind that he didn't want Shu to realize how much he had hurt him with his leaving; that would only make Shuhei try harder to come back.

Izuru slowly walked back to the living room to find Gin looking less than pleased. He had returned to the couch and was now looking up Izuru. His smile was not nearly as big as usual, and he was watching Izuru from half-closed eyes. Izuru quietly moved to sit with Gin, making a point of grabbing his hand and leaning into his side.

"Why'd ya say you'd talk'ta him? Yer only gonna make'im try harder." Gin growled close to his ear as he started to push Izuru down into the couch cushions.

"Worried?" Izuru asked, still a little irritated by Gin's earlier remark. The question lost its intended bite when a low moan rolled out behind it.

"Course not Zuru," Gin stopped sucking at Izuru's neck to speak, "I jus' don't want'im hangin' around; it'll get annoyin'." He promptly returned to marking his neck.

"Mmmnnn…Gin, don't…" Izuru tried to turn his head away from Gin and push at his chest as he began leaving another mark on a different part of his neck. He didn't mind the marks so much as he minded why Gin was making them. Yes, they had always been part of Gin's possessive behavior; but he still had a few fading bruises on his neck from earlier in the week, there wasn't any reason for these new ones. This was just another declaration for Shuhei.

"Fine, I'll just have'ta sneak some on ya later…" Gin pinned Izuru's arms to either side of his head and caught his mouth in a long kiss. The move effectively ended any argument Izuru might've had and he resigned himself to Gin's ministrations.

A short time later, as his head fell back and his body arched up against Gin, he was vaguely aware of Gin's mouth at his neck. If he hadn't been so caught up in all the other sensations, he might've thought to say something; but he was too preoccupied with trying to keep breathing.

After they had settled down again, Gin climbed lazily to his feet and reached to pull Izuru from the couch. As he let Gin pull his tired body up, something caught his eye; high up on his inner thigh was a darkening bruise. If that wasn't a fine example of a blatant 'I told ya so' on Gin's part, then Izuru didn't know what was.

He heard a low purr of laughter as Gin dragged him to his room; he had obviously caught Izuru scowling at the bruise. However he felt too lazy and sated to really complain about it, and allowed Gin to pull him into bed and curl up with him. He'd find a way to reprimand him…if he still remembered when they woke back up.

* * *

Gin held Izuru snugly against him as they dozed, he couldn't tell if Izuru was actually asleep or not and it didn't really matter. He knew it didn't matter, but sometimes it bothered him to think things over if he knew the blond was awake. It was like he was afraid that Izuru would somehow _know_ what he was thinking of; and right now he'd rather he didn't.

He didn't want Izuru to realize how angry he was that Shuhei had shown up-didn't want Izuru to realize that he was worried. He wasn't worried for the reasons Izuru had implied earlier, well at least not entirely. He acknowledged somewhere in the back of his mind that he _did _perceive Shuhei as a potential threat- which was absolutely ridiculous…

No, his biggest concern was not so much about what Shuhei would try to do, but more what his trying would do to Izuru. This concern raised its own strange thoughts in his mind that managed to tie themselves to that vague sense of a threat that Shuhei posed. Why should he give a damn if in the end Shuhei took Izuru back? The only reason he was hanging around was because even he wasn't cruel enough to leave someone that easily broken in the dust without a word. Those feelings that the blond stirred up were only from pity… Nothing else, but that didn't change that Izuru was _his _toy and he couldn't just _let _Shuhei take him.

Somehow Gin talked himself into a full circle of not letting Izuru fall back into Shuhei's hands, but now he could content himself in the knowledge that he wouldn't let it happen out of possessiveness rather than something he'd prefer not recognize.

* * *

Izuru sat quietly with his chin resting on the couch arm, staring at the cordless phone that was resting on the end table next to the couch. He had spent about an hour laying with Gin before moving, making sure not to wake up him up, and tugged on some sweatpants before retrieving the phone and settling into his current position.

He knew Shu wouldn't call that quickly; the man might be a bit thick sometimes, but he wasn't an idiot. As much as he was dreading the 'talk', Izuru found himself anxious for the phone to ring. Some part of him had missed Shu, and he knew that he wouldn't mind making friends with him. Some other tiny piece, buried beneath all the hurt and abandonment, made Izuru still feel something for Shu.

That piece missing all those hard nights made easier by a firm embrace and soothing words, all those times watching him and Renji making fools of themselves over something silly, the days when they went out with the others and he everyone was happy.

Izuru tried to crush down those memories; he had Gin, Gin did those things too… Well, he argued with Renji-but it was nowhere near friendly…and when Gin came with him and the others, things always felt more tense than they ought to. But that didn't matter, Gin took care of him and even if he wasn't as soft and gentle as Shu was; Izuru could feel it in Gin's touch…there was something there that wasn't quite the same as what Shu made him feel. He was Gin's now.

Izuru shook his head, he should go lie back down; even though Gin had been spending the night every night since the first time, he wasn't sure but what he might have to go somewhere today; so he should enjoy their lazy time while he could. He was about to rise when another thought came to him: Maybe he should just call Shu now, that way Gin wouldn't be there to hear anything he said. It might make it easier to set up sometime when Shu could make whatever apologies and propositions he seemed to have without having to worry about Gin making it worse…

He stared at the phone for a few more minutes, trying to work out if it would really be worth it to make the call. Finally, he scooped the phone up from the end table, hesitating for a moment before slowly punching Shuhei's number in; still just as easy to see in his head as it had been a few months ago. He had just enough time while the phone rang to wonder why in the hell he had thought he should do this before he heard a dull click at the other end of the line.

"Hello?" Shu's voice carried through to him…it was too late to turn back now.

"Hey Shu, it's Izuru." He answered hesitantly.

* * *

Gin had stirred from his light nap moments after Izuru had slipped from the bed. He had considered going to check on him, but decided to give it a bit before he did. It wasn't long before he heard the faint beeps of the cordless phone being dialed. He felt a small ball of irritation forming; he had waited for him to fall asleep so that he could go call Shuhei!

He couldn't honestly blame him; he could see the logic in Izuru wanting to talk to Shuhei without him listening in. While Izuru might not be entirely happy with the man's sudden return, he was obviously above just directly rejecting Shuhei's offer for reconciliation. He could only faintly hear Izuru's voice, but he didn't really need to; he could still read the tone of it. As long as Izuru sounded like he was alright, then he'd just have to accept it…or wait 'til later to say anything.

Izuru slowly walked into the kitchen to return the phone to its base on the counter. Well that part was done; he was going to meet up with Shu after he got out of afternoon class tomorrow. Now there were only two real problems that he could see; how he was going to handle said meeting…and what he was going to do with Gin…

He could just tell him he had something to do so Gin wouldn't come over 'til later, but there was nothing that Gin would believe he was doing that he couldn't be a part of. He could just not say anything and let Gin lay around his apartment for a couple of hours without him, it had happened before; but he knew it would only make him feel worse while he talked to Shu.

Well, he could always just tell Gin exactly what he was going to do and that he didn't want him there while they talked. He knew Gin wouldn't like that, but there really wasn't much else he could do that wouldn't be found out later. Either way, something about the scenario would end up upsetting Gin…Well; the whole situation was already making him angry; he could just _feel _the irritation rolling off the other man practically from the second Shu had first walked in.

Izuru quietly returned to the bedroom and crawled under the covers and slid into Gin's arms. He had thought that Gin was still sleeping, but the speed with which those arms locked around him proved otherwise.

"So what'd you two decide on for a time ta talk??" Gin asked lazily as he nuzzled Izuru's hair.

"Wha-How'd you know I was talking to him?" Izuru asked in surprise.

"Who else would'ya sneak outta bed'ta call?" Gin laughed softly. Izuru sighed quietly against Gin's chest; looked like he was going to have to just tell him.

"Oh…Well, we agreed to meet after my classes tomorrow afternoon…" Izuru glanced up at Gin warily before continuing, "So…if you want to come over, you should probably wait for a couple of hours or, if you want, you can just hang around in here 'til I get home…" He silently prayed that Gin would take the hint and handle his hidden plea well.

"So ya don't want me with'ya tomorrow then? Afraid I'll bother Shuhei?" Izuru relaxed slightly as Gin laughed quietly. "If that's what ya want, then I won't follow ya; I can wait and see ya the next day."

Izuru frowned slightly at Gin, "What? You can still come see me tomorrow; I just would rather not have you and Shu around each other." Izuru wrapped his arms around Gin's waist and nuzzled his chest.

Gin just laughed softly again and nuzzled his hair. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew Gin had made the statement just to get him to say he wanted to see him still. Though, he wasn't sure if it was for Gin's own benefit, some kind of comfort he wouldn't expect the older man to need; or, more likely, it something he had done just to make him admit that he needed Gin around.

"I'll still come, Zuru." Izuru smiled inwardly as he felt Gin shift to better curl around his own body. He knew that meant Gin considered the discussion over and was settling in for another nap. Izuru suppressed a tiny laugh as he realized he spent more time curled up and sleeping with Gin than most anything else.

He snuggled into Gin's embrace, shifting a little 'til he was resting comfortably in the other's arms. He let himself slowly drift to sleep, using the steadily growing haze in his thought to push away any of the dread for tomorrow's meeting…vaguely aware that he was becoming more interested in what Shu would have to say.

* * *

**A/N:** So there you have it. Hope it wasn't too disappointing, I don't know but what a few of you might have been expecting a more heated confrontation XP. Hmmm, now we have an Izuru worried about such a confontation, and a Gin confused about his own motivations...well he doesn't think he's confused lol.

So, I guess we will see what Shu has to say next chapter...because I still have to plan out how I'd like that conversation to go. Or else it would've been here, since it might take a bit I figured I'd give you this so you wouldn't have a long wait XP

Reviews make me smile!


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** I am so very very sorry that this chapter is so late. My excuses are a mix of afterschool program like last time, some school work issues with an online class, a slight touch of writers block. and lastly, the main reason that this chapter wasn't posted on monday or tuesday...my poor comuter got a virus that ended up costing me 40 bucks in antivirus software... lol anyway, don't kill me for the lateness.

* * *

Hope you are pleased with chapter after such a wait!

"What's the matter with you?" Renji asked as they walked out of the last class for the day.

"What do you mean? I'm fine…" Izuru replied hesitantly, trying to stop himself from fidgeting as he walked.

"No you're not. What, you n' fox-face get in a fight or somethin'?" Renji continued, arching his eyebrow.

"NO." Izuru answered, choosing to ignore the hopeful note in Renji's voice. "It's Shu… He- he came back…" he added after a moment.

"Damn, he did!? " Renji asked incredulously.

"He just showed up yesterday afternoon… He wants to talk, about us and everything that happened. I'm meeting up with him at his place after I drop my stuff at the apartment." Izuru frowned slightly as he felt a wave of anxiety roll through him.

"Geez… Are you sure you're gonna be alright?" Renji asked, concern wavering in his voice.

"Y-yeah, at least… I think so…" He wasn't really sure…He wanted to talk to him, to try and get some things worked out; but he wasn't sure what he'd say if Shu really did want to try and be more than friends again.

Renji watched him silently for a moment, "Shit…What about fox-face? What'd he do when Shu showed up? I'm sure he was probably with you, right?"

"What do you think?" Izuru tipped his head to the side, further exposing the marks that were already glaringly obvious.

"Heh, made an ass of himself?" Renji laughed.

"More or less…Gin practically challenged him to try and take me. You know how Shuhei is, he's just going to try harder rather than back down now…" Izuru sighed.

"Maybe you should just get back together with Shuhei then. That way everyone is happy." Renji snickered when Izuru glared at him.

"You're not helping anything Renji."

"Yeah yeah, so what _are_ you going to do?" Renji asked more seriously.

"I-I don't know, I mean I know I'm not going to leave Gin…But I really don't know what to say if Shu asks for another chance." They both paused at Izuru's door.

"I can't really tell you what to do Izuru. But, I guess if you _really_ want to stay with Gin then you're just gonna have to say so. If you don't just tell Shu, he won't give it up." Renji ruffled Izuru's hair before heading down the hall to his own apartment. "I'm sure you'll be fine, especially since pushover Izuru is gone and the new stubborn-as-hell Izuru is here, right?" Renji laughed over his shoulder.

Izuru watched Renji for a moment before slipping into his apartment. Renji was right; he shouldn't be so worried about it. Shuhei might be persistent, but if he flat out said that there was nothing he could do to make them anymore than friends, then he'd let it go. Something in the back of his mind whispered that that might be easier said than done…­­­

* * *

Izuru stared up at the apartment complex before him, eyes subconsciously picking out the window he knew was Shuhei's. His mind calling up memories of all the times he'd been here before, times when he hadn't felt so anxious about being there.

He forced himself to keep moving, reminding himself that this wasn't as bad as he was making it out to be. Worst case scenario: Shuhei wouldn't want to be just friends and in the end everything would go back to how it was before he reappeared; right? Best case scenario and he would accept that they could only be friends and Izuru would have to slowly work out any kinks that arose between him and Gin.

He stopped outside Shuhei's door, wishing and hoping that everything would work out. Izuru frowned to himself when he realized he'd been searching pockets for the key he no longer had. He hesitantly knocked at the door and waited for Shuhei to answer, anxiety building as he heard footsteps inside the apartment.

He did his best to smile when the door swung in to reveal Shuhei. Shu smiled as he always had when he'd come over in the past; the familiar smile worked to soothe his nerves and made his own smile a bit easier to hold.

"Hey, come on in." Shu continued to smile at him as he stood aside and waved him in. Izuru didn't think it was fair that Shuhei could seem so relaxed about everything. He had to remind himself that he was overreacting to the whole situation, that he shouldn't be as worried as he was.

Or maybe he should be; he shivered slightly as he felt Shuhei's hand at the small of his back, steering him towards the living room as he kicked the door shut behind him. He hesitantly settled into a corner of the couch when Shuhei pushed him towards it; hoping this awkward feeling would dissipate soon.

"So do you want anything?" Shuhei asked, his hand gesturing towards the entry to the kitchen.

"N-no I'm fine, thanks…" Izuru mentally kicked himself as his voice wavered.

"Alright then." Shu shrugged as he dropped down onto the couch with Izuru. He shifted away a little farther when he saw Izuru flinch slightly.

The silence built between them as Izuru stared blankly at shirt sleeves, his fingers absently running along his scars through the material. He wasn't sure if this silence might be worse than just getting the discussion over with. He could feel Shuhei watching him without even having to glance up at him. He was about to say something to break the deafening silence when Shuhei spoke abruptly.

"I know it doesn't sound like much, but I really am sorry. You understand that right?" Shuhei held Izuru's gaze when he looked up.

"Y-yeah, Shu, I know that." He couldn't think of what to say. Shuhei was right, the apology didn't sound like much; but he knew there wasn't much else Shu could say. He knew that Shuhei really did mean it though.

"Then can't you give me a second chance with things?" Shuhei smiled at him while he spoke.

"Shu, you know I can't-I'm seeing Gin now. You _know _I can't…" Izuru looked away as Shuhei's smile fell.

"So…Just break it off with him. That guy's an ass; he'll probably just hurt you anyway." Shuhei scowled.

"You're one to talk." Izuru glared weakly at Shu, "Besides, you've met him _once..._and under bad circumstances. Don't try to tell me you wouldn't be a little angry if your boyfriend's ex just showed up out of the blue." Izuru raised an eyebrow as he waited for Shuhei to answer.

"I might've been angry, but I wouldn't have done crap like this." Shuhei answered, as he ran fingertips over the bruises on Izuru's neck. Izuru jumped at the touch, a shiver running down his spine, not having realized that Shuhei had gotten closer as they spoke.

"Shu, no-" Izuru pushed against Shuhei's chest as Shu leaned against him and caught his lips in a light kiss that gave him butterflies. He could feel his fingers tightening on Shu's shirt, but he couldn't bring his hands to push against him again. He remembered every other time Shuhei had kissed him, how his kisses were always so soft and easy to get lost in. _So_ easy to get lost in…He realized too late that he had started kissing back, tongues already brushing together gently.

He forced himself to push Shu back, the feel of Shuhei slowly pressing him back into the couch pulling him to his senses. He couldn't let this keep going, he didn't want it to keep going. If anything happened he wouldn't be able to keep it from Gin and he didn't want to risk ruining things. Something in him wanted the gentle touch that Shuhei was offering, but something stronger told him it just didn't feel right anymore.

"I said _no…_" Izuru said quietly as Shuhei finally pulled away from him.

"That didn't seem like you're _really_ ready to give up on me." Shuhei said, scowling.

"I wasn't expecting you to try 'crap like that'. How many months did I spend with things like that being normal-so I took a second to react…" Izuru could feel the heat filling his face as he spoke; embarrassment mixing with his irritation that Shuhei would try this trick.

"Or maybe you're just tired of being molested and miss what it feels like to be touched like a normal person." Shu said without missing a beat.

"A few hickies hardly count as molestation Shu, I seem to recall you giving me a few." Izuru glared at him.

"I'm not just talking about hickies here Izuru, according to Renji you've turned up with worse bruises off and on since you started seeing that guy." Shuhei frowned slightly, and Izuru could see that he was concerned despite the chiding tone he had taken.

"What do you mean 'according to Renji'? When did you see Renji?" Izuru spoke suddenly when Shuhei's comment sank in. A spark of irritation flickering to life at that thought Renji might have something to do with this.

"I saw him a few days ago, so we stopped and talked for a little while; we were_ friends_ ya know." Shuhei scowled again, "He must've been serious since you didn't even argue about being bruised."

"It's not like that; I've already tried to beat that into Renji's head! Both of you just need to drop it, alright? You'd think neither of you has ever gotten a little overzealous in bed!" Izuru's face flushed the second the exclamation passed his lips…he hadn't meant to say that…

Shuhei just stared at him blankly for a moment before a snort of laughter escaped him. "Are you serious?! Is that why you get bruised up? Geez Izuru, I never thought you'd get into that kind of thing." Shuhei tried to stifle his laughter as Izuru glared at him.

"Laugh all you want; but get it into your head that nothing is going to change anytime soon." Izuru said flatly.

Shuhei sobered up at the tone of Izuru's voice, "Izuru, come on; you obviously still care about me some. I get that I kind of jumped you, but you were enjoying it. Just admit that you still want me around."

"Shu…You're right, I do still care, and I do still miss having you around. I can't say that if Gin hadn't already picked up the pieces, I wouldn't have tried to give you another chance. But something- something just isn't the same anymore. I can't give you that chance. I wouldn't mind seeing you- but as a friend, nothing else…" Izuru said softly, hoping Shuhei would just understand; that he wouldn't abuse the admission and try and push anymore.

"Izuru, come on; that guy-there is just something about him… He's going to end up doing something to hurt you, why don't you just get away from him before he has the chance…" Shuhei persisted, much to Izuru's chagrin.

"Because I trust him, I don't think he'd hurt me, not on purpose…" Izuru got to his feet and started walking away before stopping at the door. "You guy's are the ones who're hurting me right now; you all keep trying to find fault with something that's making me happy." Happier than he'd been in so _long_.

"Izuru, it's not like that, we just-"

"Just stop Shuhei; I know everyone cares and worries, but that doesn't matter. At the end of the day it's still my choice, and I _want_ to stay with him…" Izuru paused as he opened the door, "I _want_ usto be _friends_, but it's _your_ choice whether or not you want to accept it or just stay away..." Izuru smiled sadly at Shuhei, wanting him to just let it go but knowing that he wouldn't get the right answer from him right then.

Izuru didn't wait to see if there was anything that Shuhei had left to say before slipping out the door. He couldn't stay just to argue with him, and maybe if he could just walk away then Shu would realize he meant what he'd said. He was grateful that Shuhei didn't seem to be following him; _he_ wasn't entirely certain of his own feelings at this point…

He hadn't lied to Shuhei, he really did still care. He couldn't have stayed with Shuhei for the better part of a year and not still have some feelings for him rooted somewhere in his body. He knew that something was different now though, he knew that he wouldn't leave Gin for Shuhei…Not now, maybe at the beginning he might've done it-but not now. Gin had grown to be someone he couldn't imagine not having around. Sure he wanted Shu around…but not like that, and he knew that if Shuhei did decide to leave him alone that he could let it go.

Gin had quickly filled in the space that Shuhei had abandoned and, aside from those last tendrils of emotion, had gotten him past the hurt of his leaving. Still, even knowing that Gin meant more to him now; Shuhei's return had formed a heavy weight in his chest that made him ache…

* * *

Gin waited quietly for Izuru to come home, though not very patiently. He was making slow laps around Izuru's apartment, not so much from unease about the situation of course; simply because he was bored and didn't feel like taking a nap on the couch this time.

He knew better than to be irritated by this whole situation, what difference did it make to him how things went? He wouldn't care if Izuru agreed to let Shuhei try again, it didn't matter either way. It didn't matter to him that Shuhei would probably just end up backing out again, leaving Izuru to suffer that abandonment once more at his hand. It didn't matter that Gin wouldn't leave until Izuru expressed his desire for him to do so; only because Izuru was fun to play with, of course.

It didn't matter to him that that obviously made him the better one for Izuru to stay with, that he wouldn't hurt Izuru like Shuhei would. Just because he didn't _really _care about Izuru didn't mean that he wasn't good at pretending it right; better at it even than Shuhei.

Surely Izuru realized that Gin had shown him more affection in a couple months time than Shuhei had in an entire year? But what did that matter; he couldn't care less which way this went. Because he didn't _really _feel anything for that cuddly-demure blond, it was all just a game...Therefore he'd have to do what he could to win.

* * *

Izuru paused outside his apartment door, wondering if Gin would already be waiting for him inside. Torn somewhere between wanting to see him and feel him, to reaffirm what he had said to Shuhei; to cement the fact that things were somehow different, even if he didn't quite know what…And not wanting to face him, somehow knowing that Gin would be able to know-to somehow just _know_ that Shu had kissed him…that he had kissed back for those few cloudy moments.

He finally managed to get the door open, coming to the conclusion that he wanted Gin to be waiting for him if only to feel his presence. He quickly became aware that Gin was in fact waiting for him when he was grabbed from behind the second he stepped into the living room. Gin's arms locked tight around his waist, pinning his arms to his sides while he nuzzled the nape of his neck and hair.

"So, little Izuru, what happened between the two of ya?" Gin asked, lips ghosting over Izuru's ear as he spoke. Something in Gin's voice sounded off, like it did when he was irritated but trying to sound amused. Izuru had rarely heard that voice, or at least rarely picked up on it, so hearing it now suddenly made him nervous. It aroused that anxious feeling that Gin would know something had happened.

* * *

"Izuru?" Gin asked again when Izuru stayed silent. He couldn't see Izuru's face very well from his position but he could still make out the nervous look that crossed his features; not to mention the fact that Izuru had yet to relax into his embrace like he usually would.

"N-nothing happened." Izuru murmured.

That only made him wonder more, he hadn't really meant that anything had _happened _between them when he'd asked; he just wanted to know what he would be dealing with. But Izuru had just implied that something _did_ happen; his dear blond was never very good at lying to him.

"Oh? I'm not so sure'uh that Izuru." He growled as he turned Izuru to face him, catching his chin with his fingertips. "I've told ya not'ta lie to me Izuru; I don't like it when ya do. So why don'cha tell me what happened?"

"I-I didn't mean for anything to happen… He surprised me so I didn't know how to react…so I kind of let it happen." Izuru looked like he was trying to meet his gaze but he kept looking away.

"What'd he do Izuru?" Gin leaned forward and nuzzled his neck as he backed Izuru against the wall, "Did'ya let'im touch ya?" He growled and bit at Izuru's neck, letting his free hand slide beneath Izuru's shirt.

"Or did'ya let'im do even more'ta ya?" He couldn't help the little flare of anger that thought incited, or the bit of pleasure he took from the whimper Izuru made when he pressed his leg between Izuru's.

"N-no…No I didn't let him do anything to me…not like that…He kissed me-that was it, I left after that." Izuru whimpered softly as he spoke, finally holding his gaze. The pleading look in his eyes made Gin more inclined to believe that he was telling the truth.

He still didn't like the thought of Shuhei touching his Izuru, but he supposed a kiss was far better than finding out Izuru had gone and gotten himself nailed by the dark-haired man. Still…He couldn't let that kiss get imprinted on Izuru's thoughts, better to erase any trace of it.

* * *

Izuru waited nervously for Gin to say something, anything to him. He realized then that he was afraid that Gin was angry with him. He hadn't really thought about it, but Gin had never really gotten mad at him before. Even when Shuhei had shown up the day before, he had been a little irritated…but hadn't really gotten upset with Izuru himself. Or if he had, it hadn't been enough that he would show it.

The last thing he expected was for Gin to catch him in a hard kiss, tongue pressing into his mouth. A kiss that left him gasping for breath and his lips feeling bruised; a kiss that was a far cry from the slow gentle thing he'd gotten from Shuhei not so long before. This kiss had been rough, even by Gin's standards; yet somehow that didn't bother him as much as it probably should have.

Nor did it bother him as much as it probably ought to when he found himself crushed against the wall behind him, his jeans hanging from only one of his legs as they were wrapped around Gin's waist. He was so caught up in another harsh kiss that he could hardly find the breath to cry out when Gin pushed into him.

It was such a strange feeling, he was torn somewhere between ecstasy and concern as his back scraped against the wall behind him. He could feel fingernails digging into his thighs and hips with more force than was necessary, just as he could already feel a bruise forming where Gin had actually bit into his shoulder. Yet when Gin kissed him, harsh as the kisses might be, they didn't feel the same.

The bruises he'd definitely have after this were undoubtedly from the anger he feared, but each kiss felt more possessive, and bordering on something that seemed desperate, rather than angry. His mouth was caught in such a kiss when he felt a shudder run through his body and he moaned into Gin's mouth; catching a similar moan on his own tongue before they both slid to the floor.

Izuru stayed in Gin's lap as they both worked on steadying their breathing. He kept his arms wrapped around Gin's shoulders and smiled slightly when he felt Gin softly nuzzling his throat and his arms wrap tightly around his waist. It was a bit of a relief to feel those usual warm touches and tight embrace.

Gin shifted, letting them lay down on the floor, and caught Izuru in a softer kiss before returning to nuzzling his neck. He closed his eyes and rested his face in Gin's hair, drifting into a doze. He had known that Shuhei's kiss hadn't felt the same anymore. He still wasn't sure what it was, but he knew that he could feel everything that had been missing in Gin's kisses. He had been right, something had been missing before, something was different.

* * *

Gin sighed contentedly into Izuru's neck, the sparks of anger having faded out. He felt the tiniest shred of regret at having been overly rough with Izuru. But at least now he was certain that Izuru would be thinking only of him and not of someone else's touch.

He could feel fell Izuru's hold on him slacken as the blond started to fall asleep there on the floor. He was about to fall asleep too when he heard Izuru mumbling quietly to himself. He didn't hear much and didn't really care what he was saying at the moment. He stiffened slightly when he made out the words "s'not right…changed…something's.. missin'" before Izuru quieted again.

'Something's missing'? What was Izuru talking about? Surely he didn't mean something was missing between them, that something had changed… He'd spent less than an hour with Shuhei, that couldn't be nearly enough time to convince him that he should go back to him. Shuhei didn't look like he was a complete idiot, but the man couldn't possibly possesses enough charm to win the game just like that.

He swiftly reminded himself that it didn't matter; thought his arms absently tightened around Izuru. He wasn't _really _worried about Izuru choosing Shuhei; it would just be a blow to his ego to lose to the other. It didn't matter, he didn't care, he couldn't care; he had never cared in his life, not _really_, and he didn't now. He just couldn't lose this game, he _couldn't_, that was what really mattered. And so his thoughts repeated until he fell into a light sleep, curled around Izuru on the floor.

* * *

**A/N:** Meh, so there is ch 7. Was it acceptable after the too long wait? I apologize once again. Anyway, I can't think of much to go over in this that isn't pretty much self-explanatory...so as usual, if there is a question on something, feel free to ask! I reply to everything lol. So, hopefully I'll get the new chapter up before spring break is over, if not Ill at least have a good jump on it and it still shouldn't take nearly as long as this one did. gah, I'm so ashamed of me X.X ...I still appreciate reviews though, hehe XP


	8. Lie to Me

**A/N:** Meh, I feel even worse for seven having taken so long since this chapter is about the same length and I got it posted 3 times as quick X.X

Anyway, ch8 is here as you can see. Aren't you happy it got here in a decent amount of time? X3 Hope you like it!

Izuru woke feeling sore and with a dull ache running through his hip and shoulder where they were resting against the hard floor. He slowly sat up, and looked around through the haze of sleep as he waited for the blood to start flowing through his shoulder again. He winced slightly as his movements pulled at the bruises on his thighs and hips and drew his attention to another more incessant ache in his lower body.

He checked the floor around him only to find the space empty; Gin must be somewhere around. He carefully rose to his feet, pausing to untangle his jeans from around his legs and slowly working them back up to hang undone about his hips. He took a few steps, flinching a little as he realized he was going to have a slight limp for the rest of the day at _least_; or tomorrow rather, since it was already dark outside.

He paused as a strange sense of déjà vu filled him. Suddenly that first night didn't seem all that long ago. Lately it almost felt like Gin had always been there when he woke up, so his absence now was disconcerting. Izuru found himself wondering if maybe Gin had been even more upset than he'd thought; he absently reached up to brush a hand over his shirt above the dark bite mark on his shoulder.

Without realizing it he began to walk a little quicker, choosing to ignore dull aches and pains that shivered through his body. He went to the kitchen, hoping that maybe Gin would be there, only to find it empty. He picked up his pace a bit and went down the hall to the bathroom and found it empty too. Izuru felt his heart dropping when it fully sank in that Gin had left while he was asleep; he thought he had forgotten that particular ache.

He leaned back against the doorjamb and closed his eyes. He told himself Gin would come back, that he was just a little angry or maybe had forgotten to tell him that there was somewhere he needed to be. He wouldn't let himself worry about it, because he knew Gin wouldn't just leave, not like that. Besides he hadn't seemed as angry once they'd settled to the floor last night.

Izuru took a deep breath and bit back the heavy sigh that wanted to follow it; he turned and went to his room. When he nudged the door open he stopped short, he almost choked when he saw his bed. Gin was curled up in his bed, arms wrapped tight around Izuru's pillow as he slept.

He moved to sit on the edge of the bed and just watched Gin sleep. So, he hadn't really left. So he was angry enough to leave Izuru out on the floor…but not enough to leave the apartment. Izuru was still a little worried about that, but Gin was still here, that was all that mattered.

Izuru lay down and worked his way under Gin's arm, pressing close to him and burying his face in his neck. He slid his arms around his waist and tangled his fingers in his shirt. Just in case; if he fell asleep again Gin wouldn't leave without him knowing.

* * *

Gin woke to the feel of Izuru slipping into his arms and clinging to him. He frowned slightly, trying to remember why he wasn't already there. Then he remembered the words Izuru had murmured earlier. That's right; he had fallen asleep after that and woken up only a little later.

He had watched Izuru sleep, thinking about what Izuru had said; trying to figure out what the blond could've meant. Apparently Shuhei had made an impression on Izuru, or maybe Izuru had wanted him back from the start…

That was when he'd left, he didn't want to look at Izuru, and so he left him to the floor and went to bed where he fell back asleep with his face buried in Izuru's pillow. He had not liked the idea of playing with someone who had wanted their ex back from the start of the game. It made the odds horribly unfair at this stage.

He wondered; if Izuru already wanted to go back to Shuhei and Shuhei was offering, then why was Izuru curled up here now? It didn't even make much sense for Izuru to have slept with him earlier. Then again, that was probably just the last bit of confirmation Izuru needed to decide whether of not to go back to Shuhei. In that case, he ought to have tried harder not to hurt Izuru.

Apparently he'd been working as a brace while Izuru waited for Shuhei to come back. Now it looked as though he was going to lose him to Shuhei. He looked down at Izuru, who seemed like he might've fallen asleep again. Gin was not adverse to playing with people or using them for his own means; but he wouldn't let others do the same to him, that was where his pride lay. If Izuru had been using him as a brace from the start, then he wasn't going to let them rub salt in the wound against his pride by letting them win this game.

He started to sit up and instantly felt Izuru's arms tighten around him, making it difficult to move any farther.

"Naa, Izuru, let go." Gin said when Izuru didn't let him move.

"Sorry, I just didn't want you to go while I was asleep." Izuru said, smiling sheepishly, slowly releasing Gin and sitting up as well. Gin smiled down at Izuru, thinking of how ironic his statement was.

"I have a secret ta' tell ya Izuru." Gin said, his smile stretching across his face as he stood. He walked to the door and leaned back against the jamb.

"What? A secret?" Izuru looked up at him from the bed with a puzzled expression.

"Yes, somethin' I think ya will find very interestin' ta' hear." Gin answered, looking out the window above Izuru's desk as he spoke. "I never wanted you." He didn't pause long enough for Izuru to answer, nor did he look up to gauge his reaction. "You were just a toy, somethin' ta' play with and watch. I thought it could be fun ta' see what went on in that strange head of yers. Figure out why everyone seems ta' dote on ya."

Gin wondered for a split second why he had to force the smirk on his face, and why he couldn't bring himself to look at the blond on the bed. He didn't let his mind linger on it and instead focused on finishing what was still his monologue, since Izuru hadn't spoken up yet.

"I figured ya out, but even _I'm_ not cruel enough ta' leave someone like you in that position; so I've bin hangin' around. But now, ya have somethin' ta' fall back on; so I'm leavin' ya." Gin pushed away from the doorjamb and tore his gaze from the window; he turned and started to walk out the door. "Bye-Bye, Izuru." He casually threw over his shoulder before heading to and out the front door of the apartment.

Now it was over, he had successfully kept Shuhei from beating him at the game. He may not have won, but he had kept his pride by not having to accept failure. He had gotten rid of Izuru before Izuru could get rid of him. Some might say that he had cheated and backed out, but these were his games and he made the rules; therefore he hadn't lost, or cheated either.

Keeping that in mind, he couldn't figure out why something inside him was twisting into knots. He couldn't understand why he hadn't been able to look Izuru in the face the entire time he had spoken his parting words. After all, Izuru didn't _really _mean anything to him; right?

* * *

Izuru stared at the empty doorway, mouth still slightly parted from the questions that never made it past his throat, let alone his lips. He couldn't even bring himself to move, he felt frozen to the spot. Even when he heard the faint sound of his front door shutting, he couldn't force his body into action.

He found himself trapped in a fight to force down the part of his mind processing everything he'd just been told. He knew the second it sank in everything would collapse around him, he wasn't going to let go of his last moments of shock. Maybe, just maybe, if he could stay in that shock, wrapped up in that odd sensation, then he could make it.

He managed to rise from his bed and shuffle his way to the kitchen, maybe he should eat something; yes that would help the gnawing ache that was tearing apart his insides. He was reaching up for the handle on one of the cupboards when his legs gave out beneath him and he collapsed onto the kitchen floor.

Izuru could feel the salty burn of tears at the edges of his eyes, but he couldn't tell if he was actually crying; he was too lost in the whirl of information that he had finally let seep in. Gin had never wanted him, not from the very beginning… All this time, all the things he had thought Gin might feel for him, all the affection, the tight embraces, the long kisses, those oh-so-rare moments of a few consoling words- everything from the past few months…all of it was just a _game_ to him.

Just an interesting puzzle, something to be figured out and discarded in favor of something…what? More interesting? More appealing? That's all it had ever been. It was all a lie…never real, at least not to Gin. Izuru pulled his knees to his chest, tucking himself into the corner of the cabinets and hugging himself into a ball. Everything had been real to him…how-how could he have been tricked so badly…

He felt a wave of dread roll over him, what was he going to do? Renji, Rangiku…nearly everyone had told him to stay away, to let Gin go. If no one else he should've listened to Rangiku; she had _known _Gin, even tried to tell him about Gin's habits. Why had he ever thought he'd be good enough to make Gin stay? How was he going to face everyone now…

So fast, it had all changed so, _so _fast. Yesterday afternoon had been so great…and now, Gin was gone. In twenty four hours, everything that had been giving him something to trust in had just abandoned him without warning. Oh god, he'd been left alone again; and after he had let himself believe that maybe he would never feel it again. That dark, empty pressure in his chest that made it hard to breathe was back.

* * *

Izuru didn't know how long he had sat on his kitchen floor, hugging himself into the corner. He knew it seemed like forever, that it had to have been most of the night at least. His body hurt from staying curled so tightly on the hard floor, but he didn't care and hardly noticed; all it gave him was a vague distraction from the same thoughts that had been spinning through his head for hours.

He was so lost in his own mind and indifferent to everything around him, that he didn't even jump when he heard his front door bang open. His heart sped up momentarily, a lingering hope floating to the surface only to be forced down by the dull logic that Gin was always quiet when he came home.

"Izuru! Where the hell are you!? Why'd ya skip out on class this time!?" Renji's voice echoed through the apartment as the door crashed shut. So…he'd been sitting there even longer than he'd thought…

* * *

"Izuru, wher- Shit, what happened?" Renji quickly dropped down beside Izuru on the floor. Geez, what had fox-face done to him?! "Izuru, come on, look at me. What happened?" Renji asked again, carefully tipping Izuru's face up to look him in the eye. He looked horrible, his face pale and blank and his eye's red from what was probably lack of sleep and tears; his body looked rigid, pressed back into the cupboards.

"N-nothing Renj, I'm fine really. Gin left is all, he explained that it was all just a game and then he left last night. But don't worry, I'll be alright." Izuru's voice came in a dull monotone with only a faint wavering, but something that looked as though it wanted to be a smile attempted to cross his face.

"Shit…Izuru- I'm sorry." Renji pulled Izuru from his corner and into a tight hug, already preparing himself for the tears he remembered from Shuhei's leaving. He felt Izuru slowly unfolding in his arms and leaning against him, but he still didn't feel the shaking that should've come with the sobs he was expecting.

He waited, slowly rubbing a hand over Izuru's back; the tears would come soon, along with a more detailed explanation gasped out between sobs. A few moments passed and Izuru was still just leaning into his embrace. It scared Renji; Izuru shouldn't be so quiet, shouldn't be breathing with only the slightest quivering to the rise and fall of his chest.

Renji glanced down at Izuru to see that tears were falling silently down Izuru's face, leaving shiny tracks behind them. He might've been relieved, thinking that maybe it hadn't hit friend quite as hard this time; except for that heartbreaking pain that was just beneath the surface of those blue eyes, eyes that were staring almost unblinkingly ahead through a curtain of blond hair.

Somehow, this seemed far worse than what he'd dealt with before; this seemed like something that he was going to be hard-pressed to fix. Izuru had said that it had all been a game to Gin…If Gin had really said something like that- he was going to kill him, if he ever saw him again, he was going to tear him apart. It would've been hard enough on Izuru if Gin had just left, but saying something that heartless to someone who needed so badly to be needed…

"Hey Izuru, come on, you're strong enough to get through this." Renji murmured softly, lapsing into the quiet voice that was reserved only for his closest friends. "If it'll make ya feel better I can go rough him up, just tell me his address and say the word." Renji said in a lighter tone, hoping to get a smile from his friend or at least an irritated smack.

"I told you I'm fine… Besides, I don't know where he lives…he never said- he was around so much I never thought to ask…" Izuru said quietly, voice shaking slightly as he continued his silent crying. "Shouldn't you be happy he's gone? You were right all along, he never wanted me at all, he said so himself." Izuru continued to stare straight ahead as he spoke.

"Shit…Izuru, ya know that I didn't _want _him to leave, not if you were really happy with'im. I only ever wanted ya to be careful…" Renji said quietly, still slowly rubbing Izuru's back.

"Then why did you have to tell Shu, Renji? He said he was leaving now because Shuhei was here for me to fall back on… Why did you have to say something to him, if Shu hadn't come, then Gin would've stayed Renj…" Izuru finally looked up at Renji, a hurt and questioning look on his face.

"I never thought that Shuhei would try to get ya back Izuru. I'm sorry, but maybe it was better that you found out sooner rather than later, neh?" Renji asked softly.

"Maybe, but, I didn't _want_ him to go and I don't have anything to fall back on… I don't- I don't want Shuhei back anymore." Izuru said, his voice cracking slightly as a fresh rush of tears started to streak down his face.

"I'm sorry Izuru, if I had known that it would wind up hurtin' ya this bad I wouldn't have said anything to Shuhei. As much as I didn't like Gin, if he really wasn't hurtin' ya then you were doin' a lot better then ya have been." Renji said as Izuru turned back to staring ahead of himself.

They both lapsed into silence again, Izuru leaning heavily against Renji and Renji holding him tightly. Renji waited, almost wishing that Izuru would break into some heavy sobbing or at least move around. The way he continued to cry so silently, just staring into space, was almost more than he could take. He wasn't sure what to do with Izuru, he didn't know how to help him get past this.

* * *

Izuru let himself rest against Renji, in part from the need to feel him there and in part because he just couldn't bring himself to move away. He wanted to be angry at Renji, to scream at him that it was his fault Gin had left him, that everything would've been fine if it weren't for him and Shuhei. But he couldn't, because he knew that wasn't true. Gin had said himself that he didn't care; so it was only a matter of time before he would've left on his own. Izuru just wished he could've had that extra time.

He also couldn't bring himself to blame Renji, because he believed in what he'd said, he wouldn't have done it if he had known. Besides…he couldn't blame Renji for looking out for him, after all he had tried to save him from this from the start. That didn't stop Izuru from wishing that Renji would've just kept silent about Gin when it had come to Shuhei. Just as knowing Gin didn't care didn't stop him from wishing that he would come back; even if it was only to reweave the lie they had been living for the past couple of months.

Izuru let Renji shift and stand; hesitantly letting him help him up. He knew he couldn't stay curled in a ball on the kitchen floor, so he allowed Renji to drag him down the hall to his room; there he could stay curled into a ball in the hideaway that was his bed.

By now he had cried all his tears away, but his chest still felt hollow and his body almost numb. He could hardly feel it as Renji helped him change into some softer, loose clothes before letting him curl up on his bed. Renji sat with him in silence for a while still running slow awkward circles against his back in an attempt to soothe him.

"I'm alright Renji, I just need to sleep…" Izuru spoke softly. As much as he appreciated Renji's efforts, he just wanted to be left alone. He had nothing he really wanted to discuss just yet as it was.

"…Alright, Izuru; but if you want me to come back, just ask okay?" Renji answered before rising from the bed and heading for the door, pausing to glance back at Izuru before leaving.

When he heard the front door shut, far more softly than it usually did when Renji departed, Izuru burrowed into his blankets and hugged a pillow tightly against him. The tears he thought he'd cried away rushed back as he buried his face in the pillow and sheets. He could smell Gin on the material and the sensation was too much; he let a choked sob escape.

He knew that the feeling of Gin that lingered in his bed was just going to make his chest ache more, but he couldn't help it; he clung to every trace of the silver-haired man. Izuru squeezed his eyes shut trying hard to stop the tears from escaping them, somehow afraid they would wash away those remnants. He wrapped himself in that scent; hoping against hope that if he held on tight enough Gin would just be there. That he would somehow be tangled up in the sheets with him, that possessive arm looped around his waist.

* * *

Gin stretched out in bed and stared lazily up at the ceiling. It was late afternoon and he hadn't left his apartment since he'd come back the night before. He had gone straight to sleep when he got back, or at least tried to; his head having been too clouded with thoughts on his 'talk' with Izuru to fall asleep very fast.

He had woken up earlier in the day and almost gone to class, but decided that he'd rather stay home and sleep. He liked sleeping, it meant you didn't have to do anything but lie around in a warm nest of blankets; besides, he didn't feel like focusing on his classes anyway.

But even napping had been abnormally difficult for him. His bed seemed too big and empty to him, and he couldn't get comfortable. No matter how he lay in bed, it felt wrong to him; he finally managed to sleep for a few hours when he curled up and hugged one of his pillows against him.

The strange, twisting, gnawing, ache in his chest wouldn't leave him alone either. He didn't want to acknowledge it for fear that it would overtake him. No…not _fear_, it would just be an obnoxious bother if he let it get worse; that was all.

When he wasn't in the daze that came from lingering too long in the void between waking and sleeping, he was thinking on what he had done. He found himself in that very situation now; asking himself the same questions and making the same excuses that he had been since he got home.

What would Shuhei do with this new chance at Izuru? He had better take full advantage of it; Gin hadn't wasted his time taking care of Izuru only to have Shuhei leave him again. Gin didn't give his toys up only to watch someone else break them.

Gin was tempted to keep tabs on Izuru, to make sure that Shuhei was doing what he was supposed to; but that was just ridiculous. After all, Izuru would be happy now that Shuhei had come back for him. From what he had picked up, Shuhei would be the first of Izuru's deserters to come back for him; the blond _should_ be happy.

What if he was wrong, what if Izuru didn't _really_ want Shuhei back? What if he had wanted to stay with _him_? If that was the case, he had just broken Izuru himself… No, Izuru had said himself that something wasn't right between the two of them. Besides, when he'd told Izuru he was leaving he hadn't even said anything; he hadn't tried to stop Gin from going, hadn't even asked why he would use him like that.

From Gin's past experiences, anyone he had left with similar, though maybe not as harsh, parting words always wanted to know why or would beg him to stay. Unless the other was one of the feistier ones, they might shout at him and tell him to get out on their own. But not Izuru, he had sat and taken his words in complete silence. If that wasn't proof that Izuru didn't care either way if he left or not Gin didn't know what was.

Ah well, what did it matter? He didn't care what Izuru thought of him or whether or not Izuru had ever _wanted_ _him _to begin with. Though, it was going to be strange, sleeping in his own bed again; he rarely did that anymore. In fact, most of the time he spent in his own apartment was just swapping out and washing clothes; he had been spending nearly all of his free time at Izuru's.

Things were going to become increasingly boring now that he had no one to occupy his time with. He either needed to find someone new to play with, or go back to sleeping his days away.

He thought it could be fun if he found someone new to play with…but he didn't really want to try. It had never been hard to find someone new, that wasn't the problem, he just didn't feel up to it for once… Gin burrowed under his blankets and buried his face in his pillow, so for now he would opt for sleeping. He found himself missing the feel of Izuru curled against him and the smell of his hair; this empty bed was going to take some getting used to…

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**A/N:** I get the feeling some of you will want to beat me for this chapter, but I'm sorry so please don't X3. Where would I be if I didn't angst the hell out of this, you know you all would feel like something was missing if it wasn't there! XD

Anyway, I decided to do a bit from Renji's POV mostly because whenever I was imagining how I wanted that scene to go over it just seemed sound better when it wasn't from Izuru's view. Besides, that way I could get Renji's thoughts on this in without trying to work out some extensive dialogue. Plus, somehow it just seemed to get Izuru's devastaion across in a good way to me.

It's funny, when I started this fic, I had gotten a bit of it's inspiration from the song 'Piece by Piece' by Feeder because it made me think of Izuru in a way. And as I was writing, I realized the lyrics kind of made me think of Gin too(at least in the sense of this fic). But while I was editing this chapter, Lie to Me by 12 Stones was playing on my computer, and I realized most of that song is a dead on match to this chapter. Almost scarily so. Anyway, that was jst an author's commentary bonus feature for ya X3 Now you know the reasoning on the fic title and the reason for this chapter actually having a name lol. I reccomend those songs btw, they are loverly XP.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:** Chapter 9 is here as you can see. I'm happy to say I didn't take forever and a day on this chapter. It's not quite as long as the last two chapters, it's more the length of what my norm usually is. For those of you that I said anything about this possibly being the last chapter: ITS NOT. I thought it could be, but failed to take into account how much I manage to drag things out. So...yeah, there will be a ch 10 lol. Hope you all enjoy this chapter!

* * *

"Mmmmnnnph…Gin?" Izuru groaned as he woke, nuzzling his pillow. It took a moment for him to realize that it was in fact his pillow and not Gin's chest like he thought it should be. He felt his throat begin to ache and his chest get tight, but no tears came; this time he really had cried himself dry.

He let out a heavy sigh, hoping that maybe it would relieve some of the pressure in his chest, but it didn't do much but make it worse. He slowly glanced over at his clock to see that he could make it to class if he got up now. He doubted if he'd be able to focus in class at all, but he couldn't stay in his bed or he'd dig himself into an even deeper hole.

Never mind the fact that if he didn't show up Renji would come to check on him, and he didn't feel up to trying to talk about it. If he came to class and pretended everything was alright Renji would give him a _little_ more space at least.

He made himself rise from the bed, reluctant to leave the comfort it gave him, and headed to the bathroom. He stood in front of the mirror above the sink while he waited for the shower to heat up, studying his own appearance. If Renji hadn't already said something to the others, which he doubted, they would likely know something was wrong as soon as they saw him. Even he could see that no amount of hot water would wash away the circles beneath his eyes.

He stripped out of his clothes and stepped into the shower, letting his forehead rest against the cool tiles as the near scalding water pounded against his neck and back. He shut his eyes, his hand absently reaching up to brush his fingertips over the bruise on his shoulder.

Izuru found himself wondering if Gin had left that mark just to leave a reminder of his presence once he was gone. He felt a sharp ache in his shoulder as he let his fingers press into the bruise, hoping the sting would drive the thought out of his head. It didn't quite kill the ache in his chest, not as well as other things he knew that would, but it helped to push back some of it.

When he finished showering he stepped out and wrapped a towel around his waist, once again pausing at the sink. He brushed his teeth slowly, focusing on the tingle of the bristles in his mouth, using every tiny sensation as a distraction. As he was putting his tooth paste and brush back into the cabinet above the sink he paused, eyes lingering on the top shelf.

He saw his hand reaching for it before he had the chance to really think of moving it; an old habit rising swiftly to the surface. His fingertips brushed over a small container on the shelf. He felt his hand tensing, wanting to pull the small box down; but he forced himself to pull his hand away before swiftly closing the cabinet door. He couldn't do that again, shouldn't do it again…at least not now, not when he was about to go out of the apartment.

* * *

"Hey Renj." Izuru said quietly as he settled into his seat beside Renji.

"Hey Izuru, I didn't think ya'd come today." Renji said as he looked at Izuru in surprise.

"Why wouldn't I? I already missed a day and I don't want to get behind in _all _of my classes." Izuru looked up at Renji. He kept his voice quiet, loud enough to be heard but not enough that it might break on him if he had any problems.

"Yeah…I guess that's prob'ly a good idea." Renji commented; Izuru didn't miss the glance that fell to his arms. He was fidgeting with his scars through the material again. He knew what Renji was thinking, so he made sure to pull back the material and scratch at an imaginary itch, allowing Renji the 'opportunity' to check for the new wounds he expected.

Once Renji was satisfied with his perceived sneak-peak, he turned his attention to digging around in his bag. Izuru let his sleeve slip back down his arm, silently relieved that Renji was playing along so well. He knew he could drag himself through the day, but if anyone started picking at things too much he probably wouldn't be able to keep it together.

Izuru made it through the rest of his classes without much problem, surprisingly it helped a little to be there. The lectures gave him something to keep his attention on, and though there were moments when he couldn't quite keep everything pushed back, he managed to keep Gin from filling his head completely.

He let out a heavy sigh as he began to make his way across campus, ready to go home for the day. Renji fell into step with him as they headed back, Renji seemed to think he was going to hang around for the hour he had before his next class. Izuru didn't think that would be _too _bad, but he wasn't sure if Renji was going to continue to let everything slide for now.

"Hey guys, wait up!" Their mutual silence was broken and they both turned back to see Rangiku running up behind them; leaving a bemused Sousuke to shake his head at her before heading in another direction.

"Hey Rangiku, 'sup?" Renji greeted her as she fell into step on Izuru's other side.

"Im done for the day but Sousuke still has another class to go to, since I saw you two I thought I'd come bother you." She smiled at them both, her smile faltered slightly. "Whoa, Izuru what's wrong with you? You don't look so good." She added after seeing Izuru.

Izuru caught Renji flinch out of the corner of his eye, so apparently he hadn't told everybody after all. He gave her a small smile in hopes that she wouldn't notice Renji's look too.

"It's nothing, I just haven't been feeling well so I didn't sleep very good." He said, hoping that since it wasn't exactly a lie that she wouldn't notice that it wasn't entirely true either.

"Oh, so that's why we didn't see you around yesterday huh? So is Gin sick too, 'cause Sousuke said he hasn't seen him around either." Rangiku asked.

Her question made him falter for a moment, he almost said yes; but saying that would only dig him into a hole that would be hard to climb out of without trouble. He worked on reigning in his emotions, getting them under control in time to cut Renji off before he could say anything.

"I don't know, he might've gotten it too; but I haven't seen him either." Izuru pushed himself into a smile that he hoped looked genuine and not forced. "We sort of decided to go our separate ways, things just weren't really working out and with Shuhei back we decided it was better to just end it." Izuru didn't miss the stunned look Renji flashed him.

"Oh, I didn't realize you two were having problems. How long has Shuhei been around, I hadn't realized he was talking to you again." Rangiku frowned slightly at having been left out of the loop.

Izuru relaxed slightly at her words, it seemed that she believed what he told her. He continued on to tell her about what had happened the last few days, leaving out pieces here and changing things a little there. Renji stayed fairly quiet the whole time, but Izuru could tell he was watching him as he spoke.

"Why doesn't anyone ever tell me these things when they happen?" Rangiku said, still surprised by everything. "So are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine Rangiku. I told you, we _both_ decided to end it." Izuru held his false smile for her. "I think me and Shuhei might give things another chance."

"Well, I guess I'm sorry things didn't work out with Gin; but at least Shuhei's here." Rangiku gave him a comforting smile. "Hey, I have some stuff to do before Sousuke gets done, so I'll talk to you two later." She flashed them both another smile before heading off, Izuru and Renji both waving after her.

"Stuff bein' 'tell _everyone _else what happened'." Renji commented as they watched her disappear around a corner.

"That'll mean fewer times that I'll have to explain it in detail then." Izuru said, for once grateful for Rangiku's gossipy nature. Now he only had to deal with Renji; who would hopefully be leaving soon too. He wasn't sure how much longer he could keep it together, talking to Rangiku had made a lot of the hurt resurface.

"Why did'ya tell her that anyway, why not tell her the truth?" Renji turned to look at him with the same questioning gaze he'd had the entire walk.

"Well, you are already worried enough for everyone else so there's no need for me to worry them. Also, I don't want to deal with everyone. If they knew what you do they'd all make such a point of trying to avoid the subject and make me feel better that it'll only get worse… Just like you all did when Shu left." Izuru answered calmly, still winning the fight against the ache in his chest.

"Oh… I didn't realize we were that bad." Renji said a little sheepishly. "So does that mean that if I hadn't found out on my own you would've lied to me too?"

"I-I don't really know, maybe." Izuru said quietly, not really sure if he would've lied or not. "I think I might've told you eventually." He added after a moment of thought.

"Gee thanks." Renji gave Izuru a playful shove and a smirk as they reached the front doors to the apartment building. "So are you really going to give Shuhei a shot?"

"Hey, Rangiku slowed us down; don't you need to go if you don't want to be late?" Izuru asked as he pushed the door open, perfectly aware that Renji knew he was avoiding the question; though he did have a point.

"Shit, yeah…But don't think you're gettin' off that easy, I'll be back later." Renji said before turning to head back to campus.

Izuru couldn't help a tiny smile as he watched his friend go, but once he lost sight of him that sinking feeling gradually started to get stronger. He made his way up to his apartment, trying to keep everything together long enough to at least make it past his front door.

He managed to make it inside and even to drop his bag onto the floor before he started to lose the fight. He changed his clothes and made it into the bathroom in time to lean heavily against the sink. The force of all he'd held in breaking free and tearing fresh tears from his eyes. He tried to force all the hurt back, to crush it back to a dull ache in the back his mind instead of this sharp pain in his chest.

Without thinking he found himself tugging the cabinet open and reaching for the box on the top shelf. Taking a step back, he let himself slide down the wall behind him and sit on the floor with the box in his hands. Something in the back of his mind whispering that he needed to pull it together and just throw the damn thing away, but he ignored it as he popped the lid open.

Izuru gazed down at the glittery silver of the razor blade nestled inside the box, memories of how well one pain could get rid of another flooding him. How much a few minutes of pain could drive off some of what seemed like an infinite amount of aching and hurting.

He remembered how he had meant to get rid of the thing, but how somehow he had never done it. Some part of him unable to let go of what had been a big staple in his life for so very long. Unable to let go of the thing that had kept him in this world for so long and yet had been the very thing to nearly take him out of it in the end.

He watched his hand tug back his sleeve before picking up the blade, how deftly his fingers ran up his arm to a point high enough so as to be easy to hide but not enough to be at risk of nicking anything dangerous. The whole process so ingrained by habit that he hardly had to tell his body what to do. He gave a tiny hiss as he let the blade bite into his skin, grateful for the pain that sent an adrenaline rush through his system. The pain nothing compared to the relief he felt as some of the pressure in his chest seeped out with the blood welling from the cut in his arm

The part of Izuru that hadn't wanted it to come to this again giving up as that relief buzzed through him. Though it held on enough for him to know he'd be regretting it later, but only later, right now he was content to do whatever it took to numb himself to any other feeling. The only word his sensible side got in edge-wise was that he couldn't let it get out of hand again, no-never again, no matter how much he might want it.

* * *

Gin sat in a small coffee shop on a corner near campus, absently staring out at the street as his coffee got cold. He didn't really notice anyone who passed by, only registered movement in general. He was surprised at how badly his observational skills had dropped, he had never zoned out to quite the degree he was now. Therefore it came as a real shock when Rangiku dropped into the seat across from him and he was annoyed to realize it had nearly made him jump in his own seat.

"Hello Rangiku, what're you doin' here?" Gin asked lazily, already recovered from his surprise.

"It's a coffee shop Gin, I don't think I need to explain why I'm here." She answered wiggling her cup of coffee in the air as she spoke.

"Alright, then why're ya here at this table?" He asked again before turning to continue his people watching.

"I haven't seen you around much. Besides, I wanted to talk about Izuru." She took a sip of her coffee as she spoke.

"If yer gonna tell me ta' be nice to'im then ya can stop now. I'm not seein'im anymore." Gin replied, casting her a lazy glance.

"I know." Gin's curiosity sparked at the statement.

"Oh really? I guess he _would've _told ya by now." He said as he waited for Rangiku to elaborate.

"Yeah, why didn't either of you say you were having problems? I didn't know things were bad enough that the two of you would decide to break things off. Izuru never seemed like one to agree to that without trying to save things first." Rangiku stopped as a thoughtful look crossed her face.

So Izuru told her it was a mutual separation? Well, he supposed that could be true, he hadn't exactly stayed around to see what Izuru had to say about the whole thing.

"I guess it must've been pretty much gone though since he and Shu are already getting back together." Rangiku took another sip of coffee.

Gin kept his expression neutral, though the faint throb in his chest flared up at her last statement. He had expected that this was how things would go right? That's why he'd left in the first place, so why was he somehow disappointed by what Rangiku told him? Somehow it just seemed wrong that Izuru was already sharing so much with his friends, he had never thought Izuru was so open about his personal life…

"Hey, are you alright? You're staring into space again." Rangiku's voice snapped him ut of his thoughts and he scolded himself for having gotten distracted so easily.

"I'm fine, I didn't sleep well so I'm feelin' out of it." He answered her, giving her his usual grin.

"I guess you _were_ sick too then, Izuru didn't sleep good either." Rangiku commented. "Well, I'm going to go since you obviously aren't feeling very social right now; besides, I have some things to do." She rose to her feet and flashed him a smile before leaving, waving at him as she passed by the window.

Gin spent a few more minutes watching people pass by the window before he decided to return home. If he wasn't going to make an effort to meet someone new then he might as well go take a nap.

When he reached his apartment he wandered around the small space for a while, not entirely sure he really wanted to lie down. If he didn't just fall asleep then it would be too easy for his mind to start wandering again…not that it hadn't been for most of the day. Maybe he should've gone to class, that might've given him something to think on instead of all these weird feelings.

He finally resigned himself to his bed, realizing that his mind was going to wander regardless of where he was so he might as well make himself comfortable. He had already spent a goodly amount of his time trying to sort through the knots he'd tied himself into for no apparent reason.

He'd started to come to a conclusion that he wasn't entirely sure about. He wasn't used to the pain he was feeling and he wasn't sure just how to name it. There were a few things he suspected it might be, but he couldn't force his mind around them or accept them. He just didn't feel things like that, it wasn't something he did; there was nothing more to it than that.

But that didn't really make anything any better. That didn't motivate him to find a new play thing; it didn't make his bed seem any less empty now. But how could he possibly be feeling anything for someone else, especially not someone who hadn't even been as attached to him as his past endeavors.

The fact was, Gin Ichimaru just did _not_ develop feelings for anybody; it just isn't a safe move. Feelings make it too easy for someone to use you in their own games. Then again, that was exactly what Izuru had done wasn't it? Used him from the very start. That was it, that's what the feeling was, just wounded pride. He'd keep telling himself that for now, even though somewhere in his mind he knew it wouldn't hold up for very long.

**

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**A/N: **Well...more angst lol. Anyway, as I said, I didn't think about how things tend to drag out more than I think they will so this is not the last chapter...obviously. So there will be a chapter 10 (hopefully in a decent amount of time) I don't know if it will go to 11 or not...once again I am a crappy gauge of space needed for certain scenes. So...there might be one more chapter or two more or one abnormaly long one, or one normal one and a strangely short one...who can say for certain? Not I. Either way, be forewarned that the story is in fact drawing to a close XP I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and I'll try to have the next one up soon!!

Also, thanks for the enourmous amount of reviews so far!! You guys make me so very happy!


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** Ch 10 is here, as you can no doubt see. No, not the last chapter yet lol, there will be one more! I know, I keep saying that, but I'm almost 100 percent positive this time. Anyway, I apologize now for any typos and such...I went over it, bit it's 1:30 in the morning and I'm tired O.O

Hope you enjoy the chapter!

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Izuru woke slowly to the incessant buzzing of his alarm telling him to get up and get to class. He was a little surprised that he even had to wake up. For the past week he hadn't been sleeping at all, unable to close his eyes for more than sixty seconds at a time before images of Gin filled his head. But he supposed that should make it no surprise that he had managed to pass out for a couple of hours. At least in that condition no thoughts at all could permeate his mind.

He forced himself out of bed and into the bathroom for a shower, praying that the water would be enough to wake him up for at least enough time to pay attention in class. That was all he hoped for the last few days, just enough energy to get through his classes and know what was going on.

His image in the mirror was even worse than it had been that first morning; his skin paler than usual, eyes red-rimmed and underscored by dark shadows. Even he could see that his eyes looked flat and dead, lacking any sign of life other than the faint glimmer of the pain that had grown sharper in his chest. His eyes fell on the bruise that was already fading away from his shoulder and felt a little twist of pain at the thought of it disappearing. And yet…for all that, everyone still believed that he had agreed with Gin's leaving. It was amazing how much a hastily crafted lie, and the slightly reviving aspects of a hot shower, could fool people.

Even Shuhei, who he had seen a few times around campus, didn't think that his awful appearance was anything other than lack of sleep from being sick. It would seem his friends only believed his word when it didn't conflict with their preconceived notions.

Renji hadn't even been checking his arms, though Izuru was grateful for that. He had tried to keep things to a minimum, but each time he pulled out the razor it seemed like he needed to leave more incisions than the last. Even now he was letting the cool metal bite into his skin, using it to make him strong enough to make it through the day, before stepping into the shower and allowing the water to rinse away the blood. He watched with half-lidded eyes as the pink tinged water swirl around the drain before disappearing.

He didn't shut off the monotonous noise of his alarm until he was ready to walk out the door. The sound helped keep him moving and made it more difficult to zone out on anything for too long. He didn't see Renji on his walk across campus, the red head was probably still in bed since he didn't have any class until later in the afternoon.

Izuru didn't really mind his absence. Even though Renji didn't check his arms, that didn't mean he'd stopped expressing concern entirely. He still asked repetitive questions about his well-being and whether or not he was going to continue things with Shuhei. Though he had refrained from bothering him too much after Izuru had confessed that too much concern only bothered him more.

Izuru had gone out with Shuhei the other night. It had been something of a mix between a date and a friendly outing for them to test the water...Well, for _Shu_ to test the water. Even though Shuhei believed that the break up was mutual, he still knew enough to know that it would be weighing on Izuru. He hadn't pushed for anything, not even a good night kiss, only tried to stay close to Izuru. He appreciated Shuhei's sense.

He knew that it would be better for him to try and make it work, knew that if he gave it a chance, things might get better. But he couldn't make himself want things to get better, not if that's what it took to make them that way. Gin's sudden absence had made it painfully clear to him what the reason that made everything Shu and him had shared seem so wrong was.

He had felt _so_ much more for Gin. Something in Gin had pulled him farther out of the darkness, which had surrounded so much of his life for _so_ long, than anything ever had. Gin had given him something he felt he could hold on to and trust in to eventually drive away near every trace of that darkness. Something that had made Shuhei's support pale in comparison.

He realized that he had loved Gin more than anything.

* * *

Gin sat in the cafeteria leaning on the table with his chin resting on his forearm, his other arm stretched out before him. His attention directed to picking at a chip in the paint on the table top, slowly tearing it apart piece by piece. Sheer, unrelenting boredom having reduced him to such low-level means of amusement.

It had been a very long week. After those first two days he had returned to class, having enough sense to know he couldn't get behind no matter how much more appealing sleeping all the time was. Not as though he had really been sleeping very much…at least by his standards.

This week had had only a few short naps compared to the usual. It had become harder to sleep for no reason, thoughts of a certain blond filling his mind anytime it wasn't occupied. Sometimes the thoughts grew almost painful…

It didn't help matters any that he had reluctantly come to terms with the fact that he really did care about the boy. Though, he still wouldn't acknowledge the extent of those feelings, only that they existed. Nor did it help that, since this little 'epiphany' of sorts, he seemed to be seeing Izuru around campus at odd times.

Such as now, for example, the blond was making his way across the courtyard beyond the double doors of the cafeteria. As with the other odd sightings, Izuru never saw him, too busy watching the ground to realize he was being observed. And as usual, Gin watched him for only a moment before looking away, no matter how much part of him wanted to follow the boy's movements.

It would do no good to dwell on feelings he hadn't accepted 'til it was too late to understand them. He had heard through both Rangiku and Sousuke that Izuru had already gone out with Shuhei, and that they were planning on another outing the next night. Apparently Shuhei was going to take Izuru out to eat, or some such thing; just the two of them this time, rather than the small group outing that the previous 'date' had been.

Gin felt an involuntary shudder run down his spine as he realized he was dwelling on these things. It was pointless to obsess over things he couldn't change without causing problems for himself. Gin did not dwell on things; he either made them work to his advantage or ignored them entirely. In this case, it would be best if he just ignored it entirely…

* * *

Izuru barely made it through his lectures before he felt that dark pain start to get stronger again. It had been gradually creeping up on him all morning, but by the end of his last class, when the lecture was drawing to a close and he was rapidly losing things to concentrate, it was getting increasingly hard to ignore.

As he made his way back across campus to the apartment, he found himself wishing he had the guts to start carrying his razor around with him like he used to. But the thought of Renji somehow catching him with it ensured that he would do no such thing. But oh how hard it was getting to make it through a day without that adrenaline rush.

He was almost to the front doors of the apartment complex, already counting down the minutes before he could find the release he sought. His fingers were just brushing the handle of the door when a familiar voice crushed any hope he had of getting that relief just yet.

"Hey, Izuru, can I talk to you for a sec?" Shuhei stepped up beside him, touching his shoulder softly.

"Umm, I'm kind of busy right now Shu…" Izuru answered quietly as he turned to face the other, keeping his hand on the door in hopes that it would help get across that he needed to be going. However false it may be.

"It'll only be a minute. I just want to make sure you're okay for tomorrow night still." Shuhei asked, flashing Izuru a tentative smile.

"I- Yeah, of course… why wouldn't I be?" Izuru almost said no, but he didn't feel like trying to work through the mess that would start. Besides…he had to make himself try right; it would keep everyone else happy if nothing else.

"Well, I know you haven't been doing so good lately so I wanted to make sure you didn't just want to stay home and get some sleep." Shuhei scratched the back of his head and smiled again. Izuru thought Shuhei had figured everything out for a split second before he remembered how he was 'sick'.

"Oh, no, I-I'm sure I can handle a few hours Shu…I'm not that bad." Izuru answered, hoping he sounded reassuring. "So…Is that all?" He asked slowly starting to pull the door open, signaling that he really needed to get going; praying that Shuhei would go so he could escape.

"Uh, yeah, sorry, you're busy…So I guess I'll see you tomorrow night." Shuhei stepped back and gave Izuru a short wave as he turned and headed off.

Izuru couldn't help but feel a little sorry for Shuhei, after all, he really was trying to fix his own mess. But he didn't think on it too long, his own problems quickly overwhelming his sympathy.

* * *

When he pushed through his front door he let it fall shut behind him and dropped his things in the hallway. He made a straight shot to the bathroom and the medicine cabinet with its little safe-haven nestled inside.

He pulled the little box from the medicine cabinet, popping the lid open as he had so many times in the last few days, and- paused. He stared at the razorblade, really thinking about what he was about to do. The desperation that had so blindly driven him, clearing for a moment as he realized he had sunk to the bottom again.

Though he had told himself that he wouldn't let it get as bad as it had been back then, it was already at that stage-if not worse. How had he let himself become dependent on that pain so quickly…? Izuru felt something inside him twist. Realizing that he was getting treacherously close to rock bottom ought to have made him try to climb back up…but it only served to make him feel even lower.

He just wasn't strong enough to drive away the shadow that had crawled over him again. He ought to have put away that sliver of cold metal and forced himself to try harder, but he was sick of trying. He was sick of fighting away that endless veil of grey and black. He was sick of being given something to hope for, something to help him, only to have it disappear when he let his guard down.

He pulled his sleeve up to examine the long silvery scar that ran up his arm, imagining its twin on the opposite arm, slowly running fingertips over it. He could still remember how much it had hurt, pushing so much deeper and dragging the blade so much farther than he ever had before. But he could also remember those moments after, when his body had felt numb and he had felt nothing, nothing at all; not even the shadows could touch him then.

He was already dropping the blade to the scar, already imagining retracing them. But he stopped, he couldn't do it now. He knew before long Renji would be stopping by to fire off his usual round of questions, to do it now would only be a repeat of last time.

Izuru settled for a shallower, shorter slice in his upper forearm, reopening a still healing wound from only the other day. He used that relief to clear his head for Renji's visit; and so he could think of what he could do to ensure no one would get in his way this time. Already, an idea was forming in his mind, one that might have a chance if he set everything up right.

* * *

"So, where are the two of ya gonna go tomorrow night?" Renji asked looking down on Izuru from his place on the couch.

"I don't know for sure, I just know he's taking me to dinner somewhere. I don't even know if he already has place picked out or if he's just going to decide once he picks me up." Izuru answered, glancing up at Renji from the floor.

"Knowing Shu…he'll prob'ly decide once he gets you." Renji chuckled. "So how are the two of you doin', you think it'll work out?" Izuru knew that Renji really wanted to ask if he thought he could let go of Gin yet, but had thought better of it for once.

"I don't know…maybe. Shu is really trying so I think there could be a chance it will." He knew that was a blatant lie. Shuhei may have been trying but he wasn't going to. "So what are you doing tomorrow night?" Izuru asked, changing the subject before Renji could dig further at the situation with Shuhei.

"Me and Rukia are goin' to a movie with Rangiku and Sousuke." Renji answered, accepting the topic change. It won't end well though; the girls refuse to tell us what movie they're makin' us see which means trouble." Renji sighed.

"I'm sure that you and Sousuke can handle one chick-flick if you work together." Izuru smiled at Renji. Great, the odds of everything working out had just gotten better. Now there would be next to no chance of Renji inadvertently saving the day again.

* * *

Izuru spent the entire day doing nothing. He didn't have anything to work on, and even if he had there would've been no point in it. He had tried to sleep since there was nothing better to do, but every time he closed his eyes he saw Gin and a wave of hurt crashed over him; just as it had all week. He hadn't slept much more than four or five hours in that entire span of days. He was amazed he even had enough energy to pace around his apartment.

The hours dragged by and Izuru was starting to wonder if he could get the job done without getting caught… But he forced himself to hold out just a little longer, long enough that he would have a bigger safe zone.

Finally evening came and it was nearly time for Shuhei to come to pick him up. Izuru grabbed the cordless phone from its cradle on the kitchen counter and went to the front door to lock it. Leaving it unlocked the first time had been one of his mistakes, by the time Renji got through that and the bathroom door he would've been gone the last time.

He leaned back against it as he held up the phone and punched in Shu's number. He took a deep breath as he listened to the ring, trying to steady his nerves.

"Hello?" Shuhei's voice finally ended the ringing.

"H-hey Shu, it's Izuru." Izuru let his voice waver and fade as he spoke. "I'm sorry, I don't think I can make it after all-" he held the phone away and coughed, "I'm not feeling too great."

"Oh…Well, do you need anything? I could come over if you want." Shuhei answered, sounding a little put out.

"N-no, I'm just going to try and get some sleep." Izuru coughed away from the phone again.

"Alright…Then I guess we can go out another time…" Izuru could tell from his voice that Shu had just put up his cover smile.

"Yeah…Another time." Izuru said quietly, feeling a faint stab of guilt at what was more or less a lie. "Bye Shu." He added, hanging up the phone once Shuhei returned his own goodbye.

Izuru let his head drop back against the door with a sigh, closing his eyes at a little wave of light-headedness. Now he just had to wait for Renji to leave for the night and everything would be fine.

* * *

Gin was walking to the coffee shop not far from his apartment, not really wanting coffee so much as looking for something to do. He'd caught himself thinking on Izuru's planned date with Shuhei yet again and decided that some people watching might clear his head.

"Yeah, I stopped by his apartment on my way out and the door was locked, so Shu must've gotten him already. He's pretty good about keepin' Izuru's doors locked." A familiar voice carried to him from the crowd outside the theater as he passed by, causing him to slow his pace.

"It's good that he's gotten over Gin so quick, I was worried he might take it a little harder." Gin's gaze fell on Rukia as she spoke; she stood with Renji's arm around her as they talked with Sousuke and Rangiku.

He picked up his pace again, not really wanting to hear anymore; or risk getting spotted by the group. He scowled slightly as he felt a now familiar flare in his chest at the thought of Izuru with Shuhei. How was he had left his apartment to forget about it, only to be so strongly reminded?

When he reached the coffee shop he retreated to his table near the window a dropped into the chair. Willing all thoughts of the blond and his new partner from his mind as he stared through the glass. He was still having trouble with this jealous ache he'd developed, he didn't like it all… but he didn't suppose anyone really would.

He had even found himself wishing he hadn't been quite so blunt when he'd left Izuru. It would make everything very awkward were he to ever see the boy again. He knew it was likely to happen again if he continued to join Rangiku and her friends on occasion. He knew it was a foolish thought, but he couldn't keep it from popping up.

As though just imagining how awkward it would be was enough to bring that meeting into reality, Gin happened to glance around the shop only to have his gaze fall on Shuhei who was standing at the front counter. That meant that Izuru was surely somewhere close by…

Before he had a chance to scan the rest of the store for signs of the lop-hair, Shuhei caught his glance with his own gaze. The dark haired man took him by surprise when he began to walk towards him. Gin's first thought was that he was coming to rub in that Izuru belonged to him once again and the anger that thought raised was enough to make him momentarily forget his search in favor of smirking up at Shu.

"Fancy seein' you here." Gin said with a false cheer.

"I want to talk to you." Shuhei said flatly, choosing to ignore the smirk on Gin's face as he sat in the seat across from the fox-faced man.

"Do ya really have time ta' talk to me? Where's yer date?" Gin asked in curiosity of both Izuru's whereabouts, and what Shuhei could possibly have to say to him.

"He's what we need to talk about." Shuhei replied. "What was it that broke the two of you up?" He asked after a short pause.

"What?" Gin frowned slightly, thrown off by the odd question.

"I mean what happened that Izuru actually let you go? Did you guys fight or something? From what I know he's never agreed to a separation and I wouldn't have thought you'd be the first." Shu watched Gin expectantly.

"I suppose you could call it a fight…" Gin answered as he puzzled over Shuhei's words.

"I mean…He was ready to forget I ever existed when he left my place and the next thing I hear the two of you are goin' your separate ways. He said he's giving me my second chance, but he just doesn't seem like the same person…he doesn't seem like he really wants to." Shuhei looked down at the table as he spoke, obviously feeling at odds with talking so openly with Gin. "So I want to know just why it is he let go."

"Why don'cha ask'im yerself? I'm sure he's around here somewhere. Shouldn't you two be goin' about yer date rather than talkin' ta' me anyway?" Gin turned to look around the shop again, wondering where Izuru could be.

"That's what I'm saying, he isn't here now. He called in sick…but I'm pretty sure he was fakin' it. He's not the best liar." Shuhei said with faint amusement. "That's why I wanna know what the hell happened since he obviously hasn't completely let you go yet."

Gin snapped his head back to Shuhei and stared at him for a moment. Izuru wasn't here…he hadn't let go of him yet? He could hardly process that thought… He shot out of his chair without warning, hurrying out the door and leaving Shuhei confused in the coffee shop.

He felt a tight not of dread in his stomach as he flagged down a taxi. Izuru had never left with Shuhei, but he'd heard Renji say that he checked the apartment before leaving. Izuru had never, not once, in all the time Gin had been around, locked his door.

* * *

Izuru sat in his bed, leaning back against the corner of the wall, his razor in hand. There were already small surface cuts littering his arms. Once he had heard Renji at his door, checking the handle and calling out before continuing on after receiving no answer, he had retreated to this spot.

He sat and studied the blade in his hand as he thought over what he was planning on doing. He had made a few smaller wounds, as he thought things over, making sure that there was nothing he should do first. He had no intention of leaving a note behind. It wouldn't be too hard for everyone to figure out why he'd done it, especially once Renji told everyone about Gin. And there wasn't anything he could say to the others that would make it any easier for them to understand.

He wasn't a fool, he couldn't say that none of them cared about him, in fact they probably cared more than they had to; so he didn't waste the time trying to convince himself that he wouldn't hurt anyone by going through with this. He felt a some guilt for it, but he was beyond caring about that; he just wanted to let it all go. That may be selfish, but it was the truth.

The only person who came to mind that wouldn't care when all was said and done, was Gin. Which was exactly why he didn't care if he was being selfish. The only person he had really _wanted_ to care, didn't.

He had gone through everything he could think of that he should do, and confirmed that their wasn't much, and what there was had been taken care of. It had taken longer than he thought it would to run through his thoughts, they kept fogging up on him and slowing down. But he was certain he was done.

He turned his attention back to the blade in his hand and the long scars at his arms. He ran his fingers over the length of one scar a few times before resting the razor's edge at the start near his wrist.

This was it, no one to stop him and nothing in his way. His vision swam a little and he found himself wondering if maybe one of the smaller cuts had nicked something a little deeper. Well whatever the reason was, it didn't matter. He pressed the razor into his skin and began pulling it back, retracing the old jagged scars.

It didn't seem like it was hurting as bad as he remembered, but maybe that was the scar tissue. No matter, he could see blood seeping through the tear and that was what mattered. He switched the blade to his other hand and moved to start on the other arm, but his head was spinning and it was hard to focus on anything.

He really must've hit something earlier without thinking, not that it mattered. Either way, it was getting hard to focus on much or keep his eyes open. He stopped fighting it and let his eyes slip shut as he gave in to the dark, grateful that this time he was sure he wouldn't wake up again.

* * *

**A/N:** X3 I know that chapter end prob'ly got a few nasty thoughts . I apologize, so please don't hurt me or we'll never know what's become of dear little Izuru! Haha...I need sleep... Anyway, here was yet another thoroughly angst-ridden chapter. I hope you all liked it. As I said, I'm fairly certain the next chapter is the last, so ...yeah...now you know. As always, any confusion on something that got jumbled from my mind to paper just let me know X3


	11. Chapter 11

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* * *

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**A/N:** Well, here it is everyone, the final chapter of Piece by Piece! Lol, be happy, it's a thousand words longer than the longest chapter so far, and that's without my notes tacked on! Yay for you! According to my Works program, this story is 86 pages on the dot, the longest thing I've ever written by far! Anyway, I hope you all like the ending (even though I feel it is rather anti-climactic as my endings usually tend to be)!!

* * *

Gin tore out of the cab before it had even stopped entirely, not even throwing a glance over his shoulder as the driver shouted after him. Even as he was racing up the stairs he was chastising himself. He was overreacting, Izuru was just sick and by showing up on his doorstep after racing there like a bat out of hell he would only make their situation worse.

For once Gin chose to ignore that inner voice entirely, preferring an awkward situation over the news he could risk hearing in the morning if he didn't check on that foolish blond. Nothing could be worse than that, especially when it fully sank in that if Izuru ended up hurt or worse it was about the same as Gin killing him himself.

He jerked to a halt outside Izuru's door and grabbed the handle, a quick jerk confirming what he'd heard Renji say earlier. He beat his fists against the door and rattled the handle.

"Izuru, if yer in there ya'd better open this door!" He shouted without thinking as he continued to batter the door. When a moment later the door was still shut and it didn't seem likely that anyone was going to open it, he stopped to glare at the lock. Oblivious to the few people who had appeared at their own doors to glare at _him_ for being so noisy.

He was sure he could beat the door down if he had to, but that little nagging voice that was clinging to the thought of Izuru being sick dismissed it as a horrible idea. Then he jammed his hand into his pocket and yanked out his wallet.

It should still be there, he had never taken it out after Izuru had given it to him. He slipped his fingers into a small side pocket and slid out the little silver key. He absently thanked Izuru for being silly enough to give him a key to a door that was never locked as he slid the key in and undid the deadbolt.

He managed to shove the key into his pocket as he let the door fall shut behind him, suddenly slowing down his pace now that he was inside. The chance of Izuru being alright floating up again and making him hesitant to just rush through the apartment. A quick glance told him that the kitchen and living room were dark, so he automatically headed towards the bedroom; part of him praying that Izuru was just out cold with a fever, even if that meant that he'd have some serious explaining to do.

He carefully nudged the bedroom door open and stepped into the dark room. The street lights coming in through the window were enough for Gin to make out Izuru on the bed. For the first time in his life Gin felt the force of a full-fledged, icy panic crawl through his veins.

It took a few seconds for him to snap out of his shock and hurry to the bed. He crawled over to Izuru, giving him a once over as he got to him. He was so pale, his skin standing out bright against the dark streaks of dried blood on his arms. Even his hair looked like he had run bloodstained fingertips back through it more than once.

He pulled Izuru into his lap and pressed his fingertips to his neck, feeling anxiously for any sign of a pulse. With the expectance of a weak pulse or none at all, he was surprised at how easily he found it.

"Come on Izuru, open yer eyes fer me." Gin gently shook Izuru's shoulders, though his voice belied how much he wanted to force Izuru awake right that second

He pulled the bloodier of Izuru's arms up to check the gashes in the soft skin. He could see quite a few shallow cuts interspersed between some healing scars, but nothing that would cause him to be unconscious as he was. He even found where Izuru had begun to retrace the thickest of those scars; but the wound was shallow, and though it had obviously bled, it was not enough to be a danger. The blood hadn't even spilled onto the comforter.

Gin checked his other arm and found more of the same shallow slashes, but nothing deep; he hadn't even tried to reopen the suicide scar on this one. He looked around the bed and on the desk, but saw no sign that the blond could've taken any pills or done anything else to himself. All he could find was the cold blade resting not far from Izuru's reach on the bedspread.

He set it on the desk so as not to worry about accidentally cutting one of them on it. He felt for Izuru's pulse again and found it beating just as strongly as before. Though he was grateful beyond words that he was still alive, he couldn't understand how Izuru had come to be in this condition.

"Come on 'Zuru, please, open yer eyes." He gently pushed Izuru's hair back from his face as he held him. He bit back a dry sob as he watched Izuru's face for any movement; this was his fault. If Izuru didn't open his eyes it was his fault, he had never regretted anything before; but now he regretted everything he'd done to Izuru. He knew he should call a hospital, who knew what else Izuru might've done to himself before withdrawing here, but he couldn't bring himself to move and find the phone.

He leaned down to rest his forehead to Izuru's, closing his eyes as he whispered quietly to the blond. He whispered how sorry he was, how jealous he had been and how much he had missed Izuru. He whispered how he would do anything, as long as Izuru just opened his eyes. He whispered it all because he had never felt inclined to apologize for anything so those words were for no one but Izuru. No one else would ever be allowed to hear those words from him with the sincerity that he said them now.

"Nnng…" Gin's eyes snapped open as he heard the faint groan pass Izuru's lips.

"Come on Izuru, wake up." Gin continued smoothing his hand through Izuru's hair as he spoke, watching anxiously as Izuru began to stir.

"Gin…?" Izuru finally opened his eyes and looked up at Gin. Gin jumped a little when Izuru shot up in his lap, wrapping his arms around his neck and burying his face in his chest. "Gin!"

"Yea, I'm here 'Zuru..." Gin could think of nothing else to say as he carefully held Izuru against him. He tightened his arms around Izuru, he was okay, he was awake and moving; he was okay.

"I would've died sooner if I'd known you'd be here." Izuru sobbed against him.

"Naa, Izuru, ya aren't dead yet. Why would ya try somethin' so stupid?" Gin tipped Izuru's chin up to look at him, wondering if Izuru really believed he'd died. Izuru looked up at him, surprise behind his wet eyes.

* * *

"But I-" He dropped one hand to his blood crusted wrist as he spoke, "No…T-that means you're going to leave again!" He pressed himself close to Gin. "Please, please don't leave again; I don't want you to go…"

Gin had come back, now of all times; but would he stay? He couldn't leave again, not after he'd ruined his perfect escape plan. He couldn't just disappear again.

"I'm not gonna leave again 'Zuru, calm down." Gin pulled his face up again and kissed him softly. Izuru didn't let Gin pull away, clinging to him as he silently pleaded for Gin to keep the kiss going. He felt a tiny sob escape when he opened his mouth for Gin to continue the kiss with slow, deep passes of his tongue.

"Please…" Izuru pleaded again when Gin finally pulled away for him to breathe. He wasn't even sure what it was he was asking for; he just knew he couldn't let Gin go.

He tensed in Gin's arms when he felt him loosening his grip and tightened his own grasp on Gin's shirt as they shifted. He relaxed a bit when Gin moved with him as he pushed him back to rest against the pillows on the bed before catching him in another slow, gentle kiss.

"I need'ta find somethin' to clean yer wounds." Gin said quietly before moving to pull away from Izuru.

"No, don't leave yet." Izuru pulled Gin down on top of him and pressed his face into his neck. "Don't go…" He wanted to believe that Gin was just going to get something to clean his arms, but he didn't want to let him go.

Izuru felt Gin nuzzle the side of his face and run his fingers through his hair again. He didn't loosen his grip on Gin, even after he felt him relax against him and stop trying to stand. He moaned quietly before he could stop it when he felt Gin's lips against the side of his neck.

* * *

Gin had intended only to kiss the side of Izuru's neck, but before he pulled away old habits rose up and he opened his mouth to leave a familiar bruise on Izuru's pale skin. When he heard a small moan escape Izuru he leaned up and caught him in a long kiss as he let his fingers skate down Izuru's sides.

He pulled Izuru's leg around his waist and ground down against him as he continued kissing him. He shivered a little when he felt Izuru moan into his mouth; he'd missed the taste of that sound quite a bit the past week.

He couldn't keep back a quiet laugh when he felt Izuru trying to tug his shirt over his head while refusing to let go of him. He paused his own touching long enough to help Izuru work their clothes off so that the blond wouldn't have to relinquish his hold. Though he still felt the guilt in the back of his mind for having driven Izuru to be so nervous of him getting up and walking out, he felt oddly happy that Izuru had missed him so much.

Gin smiled as Izuru pulled him back down into another kiss while hooking his leg back over his waist. He made himself continue to trace patterns up and down Izuru's sides, having resolved to move slowly with him for once; hoping that it might calm the boy some.

* * *

Izuru couldn't quite make himself believe that Gin was really there; still unsure of whether he had really lived. Why would he have come back so suddenly if not because he was just a figment of his imagination? He was taken by surprise when Gin began trailing kisses down his jaw as he slipped his fingers past his lips. He hesitated for a moment before taking Gins fingers into his mouth, moaning around them when Gin nipped at his neck.

After a moment Gin withdrew his fingers and replaced them with his own mouth. Izuru quickly forgot about them and tried to lose himself in Gin's deep kisses, not paying any notice to Gin shifting above him until he felt a single slick finger pressing into him. His back arched away from the bed slightly and he gasped faintly against Gin's lips.

Gin moved inside him and he moaned in the back of his throat at the sensation, still a little surprised by the whole thing. Gin gradually added a second and third finger, slowly thrusting them in and out of Izuru, drawing out more moans of a higher volume.

Izuru felt himself pressing onto Gin's fingers without thinking, unable to stop himself. A small cry escaped him as he felt Gin's fingertips curl inside him, making his back arch and his arms tighten around Gin's shoulders.

With that Gin finally removed his fingers and settled between Izuru's legs. Izuru felt Gin's hand slide down the back of his leg before stopping behind his knee and raising his leg up. Izuru kept his other leg bent high around Gin's waist, low moans parting his lips as Gin began to press slowly into him.

"Nnngahh…Gin, please…" Izuru breathed against his neck, though he was almost afraid to say anything. The fact that Gin was being so gentle and careful with him made him think maybe it _was_ all just in his head and he didn't want to break the illusion by talking. But Gin was moving _so _slowly, it was driving him crazy.

* * *

Gin laughed quietly at Izuru's words; here he was trying to be careful with him and he wanted him to move quicker. Keeping Izuru's leg hooked over his arm, he pushed all the way into him in one quick move that made the blond buck his hips up and his breath catch in his throat.

He waited a moment for Izuru's breathing to slow before he started to rock his hips. Izuru's arms tightened around him and he could feel his finger nails scraping over his skin and biting into his back.

Before long Izuru was moaning and gasping out his name, his hips rolling up to meet him with every move. It seemed like it had been forever since he'd felt Izuru writhing beneath him and now he was relishing every second of it.

Every breathy moan and sigh, every scrape of fingernails against his back and breath against his neck driving him closer to the edge. His movements became more erratic, his own breath coming in shorter gasps.

He sat up pulling Izuru up with him, keeping him moving the entire time. He wrapped his arms around Izuru's waist and bit at his neck as Izuru's fingers slid through his hair. Izuru arched against him, legs tightening around him as Gin's name twisted into a long moan on his lips. Gin held Izuru tight against him as he was pulled into ecstasy with him, Izuru's name coming from him in a low moan of it's own.

* * *

Izuru held tight to Gin as they fell back into the pillows, Gin still inside him. He could hardly catch his breath and was little prepared for Gin to catch him in another long kiss.

"You're really here…" Izuru gasped out when Gin released him, sliding from him and rolling to his side. Izuru still refused to let him go.

"That's what I told ya." Gin laughed softly as he pulled Izuru close. "Did'ya think I wasn't real or something'?"

"I just missed you so much." Izuru murmured, hugging Gin tight. "Wh-why did you leave- Why'd you come back? After what you said…I didn't think I'd see you again…" He had never though Gin would come back for him, not after what Gin had told him when he left. But here he was, lying beside him, holding him close.

"I made a mistake when I left. I didn't- I should've talked with ya before I walked out. I didn't mean any of it 'Zuru, I didn't think ya'd hurt yerself over me." Gin spoke quietly, "I-I missed you too; I'm sorry."

Izuru hadn't expected any apology, it just wasn't something he had ever, _ever_ expected from someone like Gin. He had especially never expected Gin to apologize to someone like him. It left him in a stunned silence.

Gin laid with him in silence for a few more minutes, still holding him close. Izuru was beginning to fall asleep when Gin started to pull away from him. He immediately tightened his hold on Gin, trying hard not to let him go.

"Naa, Izuru, let go." Gin said as he tried to loosen Izuru's hold.

"No." Izuru answered firmly, the last time Gin had said that he'd left immediately after.

"Fine... I guess I'll have'ta carry ya then." Gin said as he dragged Izuru up with him.

"What-ahh!" Gin lifted him off the bed and carried him out of the bedroom. "What are you doing?"

"We need to get ya cleaned and bandaged, I wouldn't wantcha ta get an infection." Gin said as he set Izuru on his feet in the bathroom, leaning around him to turn the shower on.

"Oh…" Izuru said sheepishly, a little embarrassed that he had over-reacted; but he didn't loosen his hold on Gin. Not even when Gin nudged him into the shower, stepping in with him as he pulled the door shut behind them.

He stood under the hot water with Gin's arms around him, the heat and the embrace making him realize how tired he felt. He leaned against Gin as the older man gently washed away the dried blood from one arm at a time so that he could keep the other wrapped around Gin's waist.

Izuru felt some of his concern about Gin leaving again melt away as Gin's hands glided over his skin and through his hair, washing away all the sweat and blood. He almost fell asleep just standing there being treated to such comforting touches.

* * *

Gin smiled as Izuru started to lean more heavily against him in the warm water. He had noticed that Izuru looked exhausted and so decided that he ought to get him clean before he fell asleep. He assumed exhaustion must've been what made him pass out earlier and kept him from finishing his task.

Gin shuddered a little as he shut the shower off, it really had been such a close call. To think that he wouldn't even have made it in time if Izuru hadn't of collapsed from lack of sleep… Gin hugged Izuru against him as he slowly maneuvered the blond out of the shower and wrapped them both in a big towel.

He took Izuru back to the bedroom and helped him get some loose pants on and tugged on a pair of Izuru's pajamas as well; they were a bit short in the legs but he didn't care. He managed to get Izuru into the bed without much trouble and the blond fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. At least now he'd be able to dig up some bandages without having to drag Izuru around the apartment.

It took him a while but he managed to find some gauze and a roll of bandage buried in the back of a cupboard. When he came back to the room he found Izuru sitting up in bed hugging his shirt against him and staring at the razor on his desk. He looked up as Gin knocked the blade into the waste basket and dropped down beside him on the bed.

"I-I thought it was only a dream, I woke up a-and you were gone again…" Izuru said quietly with tears at his eyes.

"Ya fell asleep, I was just gettin' somethin' to wrap yer arms with." Gin said as he set his finds on the bed and carefully took one of Izuru's arms. He slowly started to bandage up one arm then the other, being careful not to wrap them too tight. Izuru didn't say anything else, but Gin could feel how intently Izuru was watching him.

"Are- are you going to stay?" He finally asked when Gin had finished with his arms.

Gin pulled Izuru into a hard hug, recognizing the same pain he'd heard all those nights ago when Izuru had first expressed his fear of Gin not staying.

"Ya 'Zuru, I'm gonna stay with ya." he said before softly kissing Izuru and lying down with him. "But ya gotta promise me ya won't do somethin' so stupid again." He added, a little of the fear he'd felt earlier lacing his voice as he spoke.

"I won't! I-I just missed you so much, I thought you weren't going to come back for me." Izuru repeated his earlier words, thought they were already becoming slurred with sleep.

Gin pulled the blankets over them, letting Izuru curl up against him and holding him once he'd settled; burying his face in his damp hair and smiling a little at the feel of Izuru's arms around his waist.

"I love you Gin." He felt Izuru murmur softly against his neck.

Gin didn't say anything, Izuru had fallen asleep as soon as the admission had left his lips. Even if Izuru had been awake he wasn't certain he could've said anything, too shocked to really think of anything.

Maybe he shouldn't have been surprised by Izuru's words, he'd had more than one person confess that they'd loved him. But Izuru had said them even after Gin had nearly killed him; that made them more substantial than any of the other confessions. Gin spent the better part of the night wondering over those words before he finally fell asleep.

* * *

Izuru woke slowly, feeling more rested than he had in days. It took a moment for him to register why he couldn't move or what was lying next to him and giving off so much heat. He opened his eyes to find Gin watching him.

"You're still here." He said sleepily, smiling softly as he looked up at Gin.

"I said I would stay with ya." Gin smiled, hugging Izuru against him as he spoke.

"Does that mean you're back for good… or will you leave again?" Izuru asked quietly, almost afraid to here the answer.

"It means I'm back for good whether ya like it or not. I leave ya alone fer a few a days and look what happens." Gin ran a hand over the bandages on Izuru's arms, frowning slightly. "Don't be so stupid next time." he tucked Izuru's head beneath his chin as he spoke.

Izuru curled up close to Gin, happy that he seemed to mean what he said and that he sounded like he had really been worried about him. Gin didn't say anything else and soon Izuru could tell that the man had fallen asleep.

Izuru drifted in and out of sleep, torn between wanting to enjoy Gin's presence and still needing more sleep. He woke up once to Gin sliding from bed and grabbed his hand, the fear of him disappearing rising up again; but Gin promised not to leave the apartment and pushed him back into the bed to continue sleeping.

* * *

Gin was stretched out on his stomach, chin resting on the couch arm as he stared at the wall. He had left Izuru to continue sleeping so he could have a chance to think, this way he wouldn't feel like Izuru could read his mind while he laid in bed. Izuru had a tendency of waking up if he was lying awake for too long.

Without warning he heard the front door bang open and he was already mentally kicking himself for not locking the door before a certain redhead stormed into the living room. Renji stopped short when he found Gin stretched out on the couch.

"What the hell are you doing here!?" Renji shouted as he glared at Gin. "I just found out you and Shuhei had a little talk last night and you just ran off, and that Izuru never showed for their date! What did-"

"As pleased as I am to see ya, I would appreciate it if ya didn't scream, I'm tryin' to keep Izuru asleep." Gin glared at Renji as he came forward and clapped a hand over his mouth. "Since he obviously hasn't slept well in days and _you_ obviously haven't bin takin' care of'im, I think he needs the rest." Gin released Renji and stood in front of him. He staggered back a step when Renji's fist connected with his jaw.

"Me?! You're the one who left him behind and told him he was nothin', if he hasn't slept well it's your fault! What're you even doin' here, tryin' to cause more trouble for him?! Just leave him alone, he needs someone who really loves him not someone who's gonna hurt him like you!" Renji was too slow to evade the swing Gin threw at his face.

"Who said I don't love'im, I came back didn't I!? If I hadn't come back for'im he'd be dead now! I thought his friends could take care of'im but it seems yer all worthless since I found'im half-dead last night!" So maybe it was an exaggeration, but only marginally so; Izuru hadn't exactly looked his best when Gin found him.

Renji stopped mid-swing at Gin's words, "What? He tried again!? Shit!" Renji tried to get around Gin and get to the bedroom but Gin caught him by the arm in a grip that was surprisingly strong for someone as thin as Gin.

"I said leav'im, and be quiet! He's fine now an' he needs'ta sleep." Gin forced Renji to stop.

"You're sure he's alright?" Renji asked, his anger forgotten and replaced by concern for his friend.

"I've bin here all night, I'm sure he's fine…" Gin glanced down the hall where Renji was watching the bedroom door. Well, he wasn't dead, but he wasn't sure how long it would take for Izuru to get back to his old self.

"So what're you gonna do with him then? You just gonna come and go like this or what?" Renji asked, forcing himself to stay quiet though there was still an edge to his voice.

"I already told'im I'm stayin' whether he wants me or not, so what do you think?" Gin grinned at Renji. "Aren't ya happy for'im?" He knew full well that Renji would be at odds with the situation but who cared what Renji thought? Not him.

Renji glared at Gin, "I _really_ hate you, ya know that? I'll leave you alone since you did come back, and you're right, I should've been watchin' him closer. But I swear, if you ever do anything like that again; I will not hesitate to track you down and murder you, regardless of the consequences." Renji backed off and started for the front door.

"I'm aware, ya told me this before." Gin rubbed at his jaw where he could already feel a bruise forming, "I'm sure ya could put up a good fight, but I'd still win." Gin smirked as Renji stepped out into the hall.

"Wha!? You asshole!" Renji spun around only to have Gin slam the door in his face.

"Bye-Bye now, Renji." Gin called through the door as he locked it. Gin smiled to himself as Renji continued to beat on the door and shout out his entire vocabulary of obscenities.

* * *

Izuru laughed quietly as Gin slid back under the covers with him. He'd heard every word of the fight, and he could still hear Renji pounding on the front door.

"What's so funny?" Gin asked as he curled up with Izuru.

"You and Renji…I really ought to go talk to him before he gets himself thrown out." Izuru sighed against Gin's shoulder. They both fought so much, but the funny thing was they really were a bit alike. Both of them worried about him and, if what Gin had shouted was true, they both loved him in their own way.

"Maybe…I suppose it might be a good idea, or else we won't be able ta get'im to help move me in here." Gin said as he nuzzled Izuru's hair.

"Yeah…-Wait, you're moving in with me?" Izuru looked up at Gin, surprised.

"Of course, you obviously need someone ta keep an eye on ya and I'd rather not have that loud mouth in the hall here every time I come over. Besides, I'm gettin' tired of draggin' my things around." Gin smiled at him.

Izuru pulled Gin into a kiss, moaning softly when Gin responded by pushing him down into the pillows. It wasn't long before hands started roaming and the scant little clothing they had on disappeared beneath the sheets. They both soon forgot Renji and he was left to bang on the front door.

* * *

Over the next week Gin wouldn't let Izuru leave the apartment for anything. He talked Renji into getting copies of the notes and lectures for their classes, and when he wasn't making Izuru sleep he was keeping him on track with his lessons.

Izuru was surprised by how much effort Gin put into making sure he got all his assignments taken care of. It just didn't seem like something the lazy man would worry about. Then again with Renji making threatening phone calls every time he turned around, he couldn't really blame him.

When he wasn't being made to sleep or do work Gin would keep him in bed for other less productive reasons. More than once Izuru admitted to loving Gin, murmuring it to him quietly as they laid exhausted in each other's arms. Gin never answered him, only tensed up and then hugged him tight.

Izuru didn't mind that Gin never repeated the words to him, he could feel it in all the little touches and embraces. The fact that Gin had come back, and that he was trying hard to keep everything in order while he took care of him was proof enough as well. It also helped that once or twice, he'd heard Gin whisper it to him when he thought that Izuru was sleeping.

He didn't quite understand why Gin seemed so troubled by saying it out loud, but he knew that he would some day. Until then he was content with late night murmurings and warm embraces.

* * *

"I don't know why I agreed to help either of you with this!" Renji groaned as he dumped another box on the living room floor. "You're both assholes, I should've just made you move in on your own."

"Come on Renji, quit complaining, I help you shuffle stuff around your apartment for no reason all the time." Izuru laughed as he set his own box down. "At least moving stuff now is actually doing something."

"Yeah, but I don't make ya carry everything up god-only-knows how many stairs!" Renji continued to moan, "Besides, fox-face isn't even helpin'! He's just layin' on the couch and watchin'!" Renji waved his hand in Gins direction as he shouted.

"I boxed it all an' brought it over, an' I'll help un-box it later." Gin smiled lazily from the couch before rising up and going to wrap Izuru in a hug from behind.

"You two are creepin' me out, I'm goin' down for another load of this crap!" Renji left as Gin started to bite at Izuru's neck.

"You should stop or he won't help us and then you might have to actually carry something." Izuru smiled and leaned back into Gin.

"Are ya implyin' that I'm bein' lazy?" Gin asked with a smile.

"Maybe I am." Izuru tipped his head back on Gin's shoulder and kissed him, "Besides, if you help too Renji will go home and we'll have the apartment to ourselves again." Izuru smiled up at him as he felt Gin's arms tighten around his waist.

"Well, what're ya waitin' for Izuru; we'd better go help'im." Gin smiled as he started dragging Izuru out the front door.

**

* * *

**

A/N:

Haha, so thats it everyone. Hope the end wasn't too disappointing!!

So, basically, Izuru didn't manage to kill himself because he more or less passed out from lck of sleep, (remember last chapter he hadn't slept much more than 5 hours in the last 7-8 days, hence his hazy thoughts.) haha, I'm such a cheater I know. But be happy, 'cause as Gin said, had Izuru not passed out he wouldn't have made it in time, thus leaving us with a dead Izuru. Also, if you're wondering wht exactly a "dry sob" is, it's something between a gasp and a choke, so a sob minus the tears lol, I just couldn't see Gin honestly crying, even in that situation.

Annnnyway, Thank everyone sooo much for all the wonderful reviews, you all made me so very happy while I was writing this fic!!

**Extra note**: For those of you who check my page or have me on your watch list, Im curious as to which you'd rather read next. I might end up posting a chapter of both and then, knowing me, continue on with one before coming back to finish the other. So I'd like to know which is more appealing now.

Option one: A new Byakuya and Hanatarou fic. It would take place in the same setting as this fic did, only about a year before this one. There is the possibility of the relationship between Izuru and Shuhei being expanded on the sidelines of that story. At the moment I've got the vague outline of the plot going, but I can't really say how long it will be in the end (Obviously, when I started this one I said maybe 3 chapters and look where we are now XP)

Option two: A Demyx and Zexion fic that might have some AkuRoku on the sidelines. I've got a better idea of this story, but once again don;t know how long it will be. All I know is that I just have an idea for those two and it's been in my head the ByaHana fic since I started Piece by Piece lol.


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